the first christmas

the greatest of stories that ever was told
begins with a chapter that truly beguiles
with frankincense, myrrh and pure eastern gold
three master magi had journeyed for miles

and shepherds espied a magnificent sight
as jewels on the canopy soaring above
danced and imbued it in glorious light
exulting in true unconditional love

a heavenly choir sang out through the evening
an air of delight in harmonious joy
a new star was born, its radiance streaming
to shine on and welcome a new baby boy

his finger so tiny, round mum’s it is curled
his arduous destiny yet far away
a giant to be, who’ll one day change a world
so helpless and small on that first Christmas day
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

docmaverick

12 years 7 months ago

This is a fineeffort....

...Ms. Judy-kins ! The only thing I saw was, in the first line: I believe I would've said, "In the greatest of stories that was ever told..."; but that is IT !
Very eloquently written,
I say, "Bully!";
sincerely...
....doc.

judyanne

12 years 7 months ago

thanks so much doc

if i change the first line, i would then have to change the second :)

love judy
xxx

docmaverick

12 years 7 months ago

Maybe....

..."The greatest of stories that was ever told"
"began with a chapter that truly beguiles",

...you see? It's very subtle.
Happiest of holidays for you, and yours;
doc.

judyanne

12 years 6 months ago

thanks doc

i'm thinking on it - but i actually like 'begins'... i see the subtle difference, and i like it the way i have it i think...

as i read it after i had written it (it was one of those poems that just happens before i know i've written one lol) i saw the tense changes - it does at the end too - but the more i changed them to all the same, the less i liked it - so i kept it at the original write (which probably wasn't mine - it belongs to one of my muses i think)

love judy
xxx