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Mar 06, 2025
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First Date (haiku)
our appetizer
consumed watching you nibble
whets my appetite
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Long time ago
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 months 2 weeks ago
Hello Dawler,
a good example of a haiku (or senryu?) Welcome to Neopoet, it is nice to meet you! I am looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
always, Cat
Geezer
3 months 2 weeks ago
As Candlewitch...
has suggested, this is senryu rather than haiku, in that it does not contain references to seasons or weather and is of personal nature. Nicely done though. ~ Geezer.
.
Lavender
3 months 2 weeks ago
First Date
Hello, Dawdler,
Welcome, and thank you for the big smile. If this was a long time ago, it sounds like a very romantic, fond memory...
Thank you,
Lavender