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Mar 23, 2025
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First Day of Spring
IT WAS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING.
The clouds were opening up
Presenting the beautiful rays of the sun..
The birds on the sprigs of the young tree.
Were singing their morning songs of twedle de, twedle dum songs of spring.
It had been a gentle rain ,to make the flowers grow.
Small puddles penetrated the earth to bring new growth.
So the gardners could maintain the soil to sew.
To make the new flowers grow.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Please comment to help me start gaining insight to write my poems. I am just a beginner.
Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the imagery to create a more vivid and cohesive scene. For example, the line "Small puddles penetrated the earth to bring new growth" could be revised to more clearly reflect how puddles contribute to growth, as "penetrated" may not precisely capture the intended meaning. Additionally, the repetition of the phrase "to make the flowers grow" in the third and fourth stanzas could be reconsidered, as it may feel redundant rather than reinforcing. The phrase "twedle de, twedle dum" introduces a playful tone, but consider whether this aligns consistently with the poem's overall mood. Attention to spelling ("gardners" should be "gardeners," "sew" likely intended as "sow") and punctuation could also enhance readability and professionalism.
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