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Mar 29, 2016
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First Look
Tetractys 1,2,3,4,10
Scratch--
then hiss,
spit and howl.
Its hit or miss
as kitten sees a mirror, on the prowl.
It crashes and it dashes here and there:
embarrassed when,
home is where
it slinks
then.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
eightmenout
9 years 3 months ago
Keith
Welcome to neopoet. I like the poem. Nice flow. Good meter. My only critique at this point would be the ending rhyme scheme. It missed for me.
Again, welcome and thanks for posting.
Keith Logan
9 years 2 months ago
Tetractys
Hello Scott,
I'm sorry the rhythm of the rhyme did not flow for you as it did for me. On the other hand this type of poem does not usually use rhymes, maybe that was partly what threw you. What excuse can I give? None. I never claim to be a poet, I'm a simple rhymer.
Keith Logan
9 years 3 months ago
Does this read any better?
Scratch-- then hiss, spit and howl.
Its hit or miss
as kitten sees a mirror, on the prowl.
It crashes and it dashes here and there:
embarrassed when,
home is where it slinks then.
Rula
9 years 3 months ago
hello keith
Welcome to Neopoet. Happy to see here.
I've enjoyed reading your double tetractys.
Listen to Scott. He knows a lot about poetry.
Welcome again.
Keith Logan
9 years 3 months ago
Sage Advice
I could not agree more with your quote. I hope to never stop learning. Now for a quote from the inimitable Alfred E. Neuman "What me worry?" That is not meant to cause offense, simply to show I can also recognise greatness.
Sparrow
9 years 3 months ago
Keith
I liked the simplicity of this piece, and look forward to many more.
Welcome to our poetry walks, not who you are its who you walk with..
I see you are a retired Electronics Tech, me also but I was mainly in Avionics, spent 23 years on Choppers, also many other related places RAF and STC, SAAF, and a few Tx Rx companies out there in Africa but have breath will travel..
Take care will talk more later,
Yours Ian.T , Sparrow and Yenti
weirdelf
9 years 3 months ago
Very clever, even elegant use of the form
brave to even include a rhyming scheme.
Most of all it really works as a poem. Bloody well done.
Welcome to Neopoet, I look forward to more of your work.