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FIRST LOVE
You are the angel of my life
your smiles awakens the sun rise
your laughter unveils your beauty
you are the star that shines on my face
ever since you came into my life
I found an endless peace and joy
your company was like a family union
staying around me was like a breathe of life
just know I ended this adorable friendship
'cause you're coarse and foul-mouthed bully
I hate to beat a woman due to their feminity
since I can't endure and tolerate your attitude
I decided to end it here and call it off
although your memory keeps a pleasant
tale of your love and kind affection
in all, you were once a sweet heartthrob
©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Oinyinechi,
in the second line... I think it would be better to use the word (awakens) instead of awakes. a simple mistake easily gotten over. this sounds like a rocky and volatile relationship. best left behind...
*hugs, Cat
Jackweb
3 years ago
Done!
Thank you so much for spotting it out Cat!
Truly, you are an expert here.
I just laughed over this comment: this sounds like a rocky and volatile relationship.
Yes, you are %100 right!
Candlewitch
3 years ago
do you know what an (expert) boils down to?
an ex (former) spert (drip, under pressure!) LOL!!!
*love, Cat
Jackweb
3 years ago
LoL!
I am happy you knew what I meant here.
scribbler
3 years ago
Makes me glad my
first love is still the love of my life lol
Candlewitch
3 years ago
hey Scribbler...
yours is a fairy tale come to life...it just doesn't get any better than that!!! best to Susan.
*hugs, Cat
Jackweb
3 years ago
Wow!
You are truly enjoying. Best of luck Scribbler!