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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Jun 24, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Poets first poems

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(first poem) Endless Time

"Endless Time"
Freedom searching where to stay
Love wanting, soon to stray.
Everywhere they put you down
Life unfolding, this I've found.
Tareing, smearing, haunting 'til
Yet far away, it's there so still
Never stopping endless way
Beseeching wind, calling prey.
Yes I see I hear so well
wander far, this go still
Passing running eternity lie
On it goes never die
Persued with anger hiding be
On still chasing just to be free.
Time sonsuming, in my heart I'm there
On still further I must dare.
Pressed by time pushed by 'morrow
With the dawn goes all my sorrow
Intensified, grasping, crushing,
Soon ending, this be rushing.
Throbbing pain lessened to aching
Alone and hurt, haterid making
Now remorse takes place of sorrrow
As for me; there's no tomorrow.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: this was one of my first poems. the others I threw out. probably should have done for this one as well. age:14 here it is, as is:no clean-up. I know it is crap.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

8 years ago

Not free-form...

but good rhyming! Sounds like a lot of hurt there. The only critique I can offer, is the spelling of some of the words. Even so, they are recognizable and the misspelling does nothing to hurt the flow.
I like the intensity and the rhythm keeps it going. ~ Gee.
.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 years ago

thanks Sir Gee,

how would this poem be classified as? (I didn't know for sure) I left those words misspelled for the sake of honesty. I could also use help on the punctuation. I can't believe how young and angry I was back then! I think some of the lines could use rewriting, too. your review was very kind to me.

*hugs, Cat

jane210660

jane210660

8 years ago

Flows well

Actually for a 14 year old, I think it's good.
If I look at your work now, have to say, you've moved on a bit. Lol.
Take for instance your last poem published on site - visions in the fire. Still rhymes, but the rhyme isn't forced. Whereas here, I think it is in places. You use techniques now, to create effect. But although this is raw, it's a blooming good starting point.
Don't chuck it out. Keep it.
Jxx

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 years ago

lol

okay Jane, I'll keep it on your say so, lol! this poem has me a little red-faced. I feel like I really put myself out there. thanks for your insights into my growth I really appreciate that :)

*hugs, Cat

wesley snow

wesley snow

8 years ago

It's not Shakespeare,

but for fourteen it's pretty damn good. Of course you shouldn't chuck it. It's your history and still part of your body of work.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 years ago

thank you Wes,

for putting me in proper perspective. you are kind. thank you for your opinion, it is appreciated.

always, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 years ago

thank you, Mark,

for your generous comment :) do you still have that Haiku? thirty years later and your poetry is outstandingly amazing!

hugs, Cat

S

scribbler

8 years ago

Hi Cat

I wonder how many new poets these days write their first poem in rhyme? I enjoyed it a part of the pleasure was looking into the past.......stan

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 years ago

dear Stan,

it is always a pleasure to hear from you. your comments are supportive and helpful.

*hugs, Cat