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Mar 03, 2017
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First Time Moments
Have you ever felt that exhilarating
rush when you've done something
for the very first time?
Like kissing your first
crush, or first boyfriend
or girlfriend.
Doing something you aren't suppose
to be doing, like skipping class,
climbing a tree, telling someone off,
stealing something, smoking your
first cigarette, experiencing your
first high, or maybe taking your
first sip of alcohol.
Whatever it may be it makes you feel alive
doesn't it?
It makes you feel like you belong
in this s***ty, yet amazing world.
It makes you feel so damn fearless that
you think you can do whatever you want, eventually
there does come a time where consequences are
mandatory like if you stole a car, but in that moment
you don't care, all you want to feel is that rush,
you know that high off life feeling.
That feeling when you don't care about
getting in trouble, or don't even think twice about
the consequences.
Now tell me, when's the last time you've done something
for the first time?
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
scribbler
8 years 7 months ago
welcome Angel
When one become an old fart such as myself the number of first time things gets kinda small lol.
Welcome to neopoet. The only suggestion I'd make would be that you consider using stanza breaks........stan
Angelina Flores
8 years 7 months ago
Okay, thank you so much! I'm
Okay, thank you so much! I'm sure you're not that old.
Geezer
8 years 7 months ago
Hmmmm...
To echo Stan, I would suggest that you utilize stanza breaks. I think that you could have made this a bit more interesting, by alternating good and bad examples, but maybe that's just me. Welcome to Neo. I hope that you become a regular part of us. ~ Geezer.
.
Esker
8 years 7 months ago
joi da vie
Let's Roll
alive...
the use of throwing in the shitty but amazing
world....why one takes risks
first time thrills
what was NIKE's big slogan
Just do it...Check..
at my age its more a bucket list
fifty four before i know it and gone
one can take all the risks
and still be fretted up about
everything
consequences and mandatory
never thought of myself as a risk
taker...but all my friends are
and I sit with em
join em on a run
thinking meh...
but im enjoying more
i remember having to write
my low grade level education
on double spaced lines
and when i typed i wrote
on onionskin..double
spaced
somwhere i ran it in paragraphs
probably from reading poetry
in WALRUS and NEW YORKER
and short story mags..
writing like living is feeling
like it is for my risk taking
buds of all walks..ages...
they walk on the perilous edge
and isnt it perilous times?
Welcome to Neoland!
Mr Wolf!
themoonman
8 years 7 months ago
Hello Angelina,
Welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy
it here, I know I have.
When posting, you can choose the level
of critique you like, for me there is only
one (knock me on my back) but some
people don't really want to hear what
others think about their poetry.
Along with the suggestion made to
break into stanza's, I suggest not using
a space between each line. I know it
must appear we are concerned with the
look of the poem but the construction of
the poem and use of punctuation can be
of tremendous value for setting the tone
and/or keeping with the flow intended.
Your reader will read it the way it is
presented, if you want your reader to read
it in a certain way, you have to manipulate
that.
Your poem; great content and a strong first
entry, thank you for sharing.
A poem can almost always be improved, you
can come back to this one later and see if
there is anything you might do different.
The one suggestion I will make now is this,
less is more. What that means is, the least
amount of words you can use to articulate
your image/scene, the stronger it is. The
easiest way to cull down a poem is to look
for ways to remove redundant wording,
connecting words like "that, the, my, and,
and others can often be removed altogether.
welcome to the site,
Richard
chevyvent
8 years 7 months ago
Love has gained
the art of this poem is very impressive
to love and lost is better to have never at all
love is the essence of this piece existence
love has gained it also has lost
humanities heaviest of cost.
A prolific write of love and life
with an added slash of spice
Excellent
weirdelf
8 years 7 months ago
don't say in this s***ty, say shitty,
this site is uncensored and if your censored yourself you are dishonest.
In answer to your last question, there is nothing I haven't done except murder.
This is a wonderful poem except for your self censorship.
I applause it.
Gunnar Hedlund
8 years 7 months ago
Moreover, what shall I do next for the first time.
Simplistic but punchy. Like this.