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A Flower in the Crack...
A flower that has been trod upon
Victim of many attacks
Sustained by helpful nourishing
Grows up through concrete cracks
Rain and soil, accumulate
Debris is used for fodder
The slender plant of beauty
Dreams of clear, blue water
Sunshine gives strength to her
[Of course, it is a she]
Tomboy not withstanding
She means a lot to me
A most accomplished poet
Team player, yessiree
Just ask of her opinion
She'll give you two or three!
Laugh out loud; she does that
Infectious, naughty grin
Tongue-in-cheek advice
Intrique?... "You know, I'm in!"
And so, I'd say to her
"Make sure you stay the course"
Ride the painted pony
A different colored horse!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
dear Geez,
I like your title. and the pacing is good, it flows well.
A flower (that) has been trod upon remove the word "that" and it will be smoother, I think. wow what a unique poem, as always can be expected by "Our Geezer" favorite lines are:
And so, I'd say to her
"Make sure you stay the course"
Ride the painted pony
A different colored horse!
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years 2 months ago
I sort of...
took your suggestion in regards to [that]. I substituted [that's] in return for [that has been]. It does make it smoother, thank you.
Dare I say, you might recognise yourself in that little flower? Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
wow!
thanks, dearest Geezer!!! >{^*;*^}<
*hugs, Cat
Ray Whitaker
3 years 2 months ago
Yeah, I thought of Cat as well
after reading this. your piece is very good!
this also reminded me of my teenage Grand-daughters
Ray Whitaker
3 years 2 months ago
Yeah, I thought of Cat as well
after reading this. your piece is very good!
this also reminded me of my teenage Grand-daughters
Mr joghe
3 years 2 months ago
Nice title "A Flower in The
Nice title "A Flower in The Crack"
lovedly
3 years 2 months ago
i once read a poem
Flowering Rose
in the crack
of a cement wall
and
this poem I can help transpose
to read for ADULTS only
change word or two maybe few
lol Gee Don't take me seriously
I not yet so B