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Jan 31, 2025
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Flowing Rivers
In the north I have a friend
His scars are the same as mine
He held my hand once
And helped me through the darkness
So, on days like this
I think of him
And hope he's a little less broken
This year has been good
I've seen more rain than ever before
The land is covered in green
The rivers are flowing and the ponds are full
But how is it that in all this
My heart is desert dry?
I'm getting used to it, I think
The quiet days are becoming rarer than diamonds
But they still come once in a while
When that afternoon comes around
I walk out and see the clouds
And I try to avoid thinking
About my life
In the north I have a friend
I hope it has rained in his heart
That his rivers are flowing and his ponds are full
I hope he gets to live
One of us, has to
A. SWANTALALA
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Flowing Rivers" conveys a sense of connection and empathy between friends, as well as a contrast between external abundance and internal emptiness. The imagery of scars, darkness, rain, green land, and flowing rivers effectively sets the tone and atmosphere of the poem. The repetition of the lines "In the north I have a friend" creates a strong anchor throughout the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to further develop the emotional depth and complexity of the speaker's feelings. Exploring the reasons behind the speaker's emotional dryness and their internal struggles in more detail could enhance the reader's understanding and connection to the poem. Additionally, consider varying the structure or form of the poem to create more impact and engagement.
Overall, "Flowing Rivers" has a poignant theme and evocative imagery, but delving deeper into the emotional landscape of the speaker could enrich the poem further.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
4 months 3 weeks ago
Trail
One again you've penned something beautiful and I hope you realize. How beautiful your words are, they help me through my darkest nights! Your gift is always growing and I can almost hear you sigh! The tenderness of your poetry helps all who read a write!
Leslie
4 months 3 weeks ago
Trail
I mispelled a word or two, but hope you recognize, how uplifting and encouraging your words feel to me deep inside!
Leslie
4 months 3 weeks ago
Trail
One again you've penned something beatiful and I hope you realize. How beuatiful your words are, they help me through my darkest nights! Your gift is always growing and I can almost hear you sigh! The tenderness of your poetry helps all who read a write!
Trail
4 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you my friend
This is an incredibly uplifting message. I'm trying to grow as a poet and it makes me happy to know that it has started to show. Your kind words always lift me up when I need it the most. Thank you
Geezer
4 months 3 weeks ago
Beautiful...
indeed! I am very much impressed with the emotion that is delivered here. Your exclamation that "In the north, I have a friend", makes this a great piece, as it takes us from the page to a place in your heart. Great stuff. Thank you for sharing this with us. Very nice work, ~ Geez.
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Trail
4 months 3 weeks ago
Geezer
I find these anchored poems a bit easier for me to write. Once I find the anchor I just have to open my heart and express myself. Thank you for your kind words. I'm gonna try to be a more active member in this community this year
Geezer
4 months 3 weeks ago
Your work...
is always welcome. Geezer.
.
Geezer
4 months 3 weeks ago
Your work...
is always welcome. Geezer.
.
Rula
4 months 3 weeks ago
An amazing heartfelt read
I especially like the refrain" In the north I have a friend"
Each stanza is speaking volumes and the ending impacts the raw feelings quiet well.
Touching indeed.
Con for winning.
A well merited one indeed.
Thank you for sharing.
Trail
4 months 3 weeks ago
Rula
Hey, I hadn't even seen that I won. Thank you for the kind words. I just saw him yesterday, the friend in the poem. We hadn't seen each other since November last year