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kowque
kowque
Jan 03, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The fog

Try sleep.
Wake up,
Shaking,
Shaking,
Shaking.

Finally, sleep.
Wake up,
with a bloody mouth,
spikes attacking my temples,
and a bitten tongue.
The tremors must have come
to visit in my sleep,again.
Such dear, friends,
they are always close.

Try sleep.
Pills bring on the fog.
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up! Wake up! Just stay awake.
Don't let them see.
Don't give the fog Power.

The fog is not,
a dear friend.
The pills.
They open doors.
They open windows.
They find holes in the walls.
They invite the fog in.

Stay awake.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

More from this author

Comments

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 year 6 months ago

Hi Koki, your final stanza

Hi Koki, your final stanza hits home.

The pills.
They open doors.
They open windows.
They find holes in the walls.
They invite the fog in.

I loved the repetition, it highlights meaning in your poem. Great job, I enjoyed it. Ruby :) xx

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Koki

I thimk you are a super heroine!