Neopet Random Challenge # 14

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Follow me (Cry)

Let’s soar one more time
while the music plays
Let’s fly into the immense
that unfolds everytime
the light strikes us
Let’s dream like Icarus
and conquer the sun for a minute
Let’s live with no sorrows or regrets
and face the unknown
with a defying smile
Let’s hold hands and bravely live.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Portugal

Comments

Geezer

3 years 2 months ago

This sounds...

like something that my all-time favorite actor Vincent Price would say in one of his movies! He was so enamored of such grand statements. I think it must have been from his acting on stage days. I am of two minds about your title, one says that it should be something more sweeping and powerful, the other says that it is powerful in itself. I like the rhythm and the measure. The theme is somewhat romantic and speaks of a long history between the speaker and the recipient. I do wish that you had used lower-case in some lines, but I think that may just be me. Good work! ~ Geezer.
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