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A
Adi
Jul 17, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

SUMMER FUN

(Read More...)

Fool.

My Angel
The gel
Soothing my sore
Forgiving my flaw

My Angel
The well
Watering my dry heart
Making a heavy heart light

My Angel
The jewel
Gotten with no price
Yet priceless

The nectar that
Sweetens my heart
Making me merry
When weary

Oh no! She I adore
Yet shows her the door

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Nigeria

Favorite Poets: Williams Shakespeare, Oswald Mitshalli, Niyi Osundare, Robert Burns, Lord Tennyson, Emily Bronte, David Diop and David Rubadiri.

More from this author

Comments

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

7 years ago

Hi Adi

I like your poem. a nice take on rejection. It mostly follows an aabb thyme scheme, but not really any metrical consistency, which is possible to do if you want to. I think it would make the poem more crafted. The narrative is set, all you have to do is rework the words.
Other than that, may I suggest the following

My Angel
The gel
Soothing my sores
Forgiving my flaws

Flaw as a singular doesn't work. like a tragic flaw...

Oh no! She I adore
Yet shows me her door

"yet shows her the door" is confusing to me.

Neopoet is a workshop, and we all try to give our best constructive comments. The poem is always yours.
..

A

Adi

7 years ago

Fool.

Thanks for your comments, Eumolpus, and thanks for the corrections. I hope to improve on the work.