IRiz

Apr 27, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Freedom

A blue leather bracelet on my wrist.
No watch, no compass anymore.

It is only beginning of spring.
But I already have ventilated
every corner of self,
every bookshelf with old poems,
every chest with old-fashioned lace
and feathers of dreams,
and unfinished novels.

I don't keep memories.
I don't know anything about older self.
I accept who I am in sunburned skin,
slightly angular, slender Capitan
of the floating bridge
connecting my past with shimmering
through the glitter of time Nothing.

I am not afraid of it.
My voice horse from morning silence
can argue with wind;
my whims and my wishes are laws
for my army,
unstoppable army of one
with emerald eyes
and a blue leather magic.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

Comments

lovedly

7 years 2 months ago

YOUR POETRY is so soothing like droplets from a waterfall

YOUR POETRY is so soothing
like droplets from a waterfall
anywhere in the jungles tall
it's spring after all

I like the coherence
of all the waves
the sounds
the rhythm
of poetic lines you score
without a second thought
your poetry is like a harp
a string that a musician does string
it's spring lady poet tree
'tis it spring

here I a message of joy bring
spring has sprung again
I am also happy
to live another year
spring to me is equally dear

as music I can't hear
waterfalls I know they fall
Niagara must be near
THE SNOW has melted
my poetic deer...

IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

I don't know why but somehow

I don't know why but somehow I missed this comment. I am sorry, Lovedly, you are so generous in your words that it is almost embarrassing for me to think that they are addressed to me.

lovedly

7 years 2 months ago

VERY HUMBLE COMMENT

DEVYUSHKA
dobri vecher

IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

:) it is appropriate to the

:) it is appropriate to the case though.

raj

7 years 2 months ago

IRiz

To me this poem feels like cherry blossom tree swinging its branches announcing "no one can now stop me blooming"
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tyro

7 years 2 months ago

A lot of metaphors:

A lot of metaphors:
blue leader bracelet -symbolizing freedom. Both opening and closing the poem. as well freedom from work.
spring cleaning -of yourself
Capitan-
of the floating bridge
connecting… (my favorite)
Army- whims and wishes as commanders.

And you give a nice sketch of yourself in the poem.

“My voice horse from morning silence” I know this one very well.

Oh, yes, there is one thing, you do not always use the definite article where an America ear would expect one.

IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

Hello, my dear Tyro, thank

Hello, my dear Tyro, thank you for reading.
The omition of definite article may be justified in some cases of the poem, based on Mary Oliver explanation in her book on writing. Perhaps I took it too far. Could you please indicate places where you feel the lack of the article stops you from reading or makes you squint. Thank you very much for your time and interest.

tyro

7 years 2 months ago

In this poem there is just

In this poem there is just one, but I noticed it in other poems as well. And remember I said it was an ear thing, I did not analyse it, so maybe you are more versed than I am. In the first line I think it should be, it is only the beginning of spring. Perhaps because it is a specific time and a specific spring, instead of spring in general. Here, "from morning silence" I accept the article can be left out, as it can be any morning, or all mornings.

Must say again that I enjoyed how gave added significance to the blue leader bracelet by tying it in at the end.

valene

7 years 2 months ago

you're trying to outwit

your own inner police force that has gone awol.
apologies. tell me what you think of my response.
i like a good chinwag.

ephx

IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

I am quitting my job I was a

I am quitting my job I was a researcher for many years. Science is an interesting occupation but after a number of years it feels like a mental prison.

raj

7 years 2 months ago

Hey friend IRiz

Please make sure that it's a balanced decision....as you surely know you're born for a purpose in life. ..you are the best person to know what's best....you are resourceful from what I have perceived and from what I have read about you on your page as too from the free spirit with which you write...i can say that you are a unique creature :)

I can now pretty well perceive what inspired your poem "freedom"...take care..
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IRiz

7 years 2 months ago

Oh Raj,

Oh Raj,
You are so kind. Thank you for your message from the other side of the globe. It feels as if I hear it from across the table where we share some coffee or tea, perhaps. You are a tea drinker, aren't you?
It took me a couple of years to decide and yet even if I am happy and feel it is time to start a new life, there will be always a doubt about the timing - too late or too early? But anyway, it gives me more time to promote sunku. I am looking forward to hearing more of your poems.

raj

7 years 2 months ago

Hi friend IRiz

I must say that you are also clairvoyant else how could you guess that I love tea and drink lots of it...

I believe you are that kind of a person [resourceful & hyper energetic] for whom a 24 hour day is not enough...since it's not possible to change the hours/day I appreciate that there is a need to prioritize and work out how to make most of the days and establish a good work life balance...

my best wishes always..
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