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Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess
Jun 27, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Freedom

Ride a white Pegasus;
And shine your light;
Ride into the rage of war;
Like the deep blue ocean;
Sink your worries, fears and buried it;
Deep like treasures, secrets of the ocean.

Ride as a princess fierce and strong;
And shine your light;
And overcome;
With shimmering, shiny blades;
Shield yourself from this villain;
Shed away the darkest wounds;
Wounds that live and stay within;
Wounds that grow into the flesh;
Become like sores that bite the skin.

Ride a white Pegasus;
And soar high above the skies;
The pains have ceased;
The wounds have healed;
A new journey to embark on;
This affliction no more exists;
This person is free;
Free at last to live a life.
And spread her wings and fly.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: South Zone

Favorite Poets: Maya Angelou, Beau Taplin, Nelson Mandela, William Shakespeare, Lucy Maud Montgomery

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years ago

hello Warrior Princess...

welcome to Neopoet! it is very nice to meet you. I'm going to give you some suggestions to tighten up your poem. but it s your choice as you don't have to use them all or any.

Ride(as) a white Pegasus; (remove "as")
(The) person (was) free; (replace was with "is" and The with This)

yours is a compelling poem it reads very smoothly but you need to give it a better title. the body of your poem tells a story that is clear and concise. the beginning and ending are nice and crisp. (I like your user name and believe that women make exceptional warriors!) I look forward to reading more of your work...also, soon you will be reviewing and critiquing the rest of us Neopoets!

*warm smiles, Cat

Warrior Princess

Warrior Princess

3 years ago

Thank you CandleWitch for

Thank you CandleWitch for taking a moment to read my poem. Your constructive comments and edits were indeed useful. Much thanks. I really would love the day when I can assist and critique poems it would be an honour.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years ago

p.s.

these are my favorite lines:

Ride as a princess fierce and strong;
And shine your light;
And overcome;

*

Warrior Princess

Warrior Princess

3 years ago

Thank you for pointing out

Thank you Candllewitch for pointing out which lines resonated with you. In the title of the poem, I associate the Peguses as an animal being free and not trapped but having the power to overcome many battles hence that title was chosen. My challenge at times is finding that perfect title.