THE FRESH AIR OF LOVE

I want to breathe a fresh air of love
a love without ripples and wrinkles
a love with longevity of happiness
a love grafted with sincerity of mind

I want to breathe a fresh air of love
a love that has never been tested
a love with purity, with a kind heart
that ne'er takes pleasure in revenge

I want to breathe a fresh air of love
a love that strictly abides my desire
a love that never halts in any form
or bites, or kindles a fire of mischief

If truly there's a fresh air of love here
I would sail daily on it's sweet wave
I would never get down or stop at all
for a true love is hard to find here

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo, Wole soyinka, Maya Angelou, W.H. Longfellow, John Milton, W.B. Yeat.

Comments

Geezer

2 years 7 months ago

The only thing...

I see that needs changing is, "a love that [has] never been tested."
I like the line: "I want to breathe a fresh air of love." I would have used
"The fresh Air of Love" as the title. The idea of love being fresh and new is so awesome!
Nice job, man. ~ Geez.
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Jackweb

2 years 7 months ago

Thanks a lot Gee...

You're very observant in finding things. Even when I finished writing I knew the title was not suitable. Much appreciated!.
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Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 7 months ago

I think…

You know this is so extremely good. Like, when you were writing this did you have goosebumps or tears? Because that’s what happens to me when I’ve got a leash on a comet. This is a masterpiece friend. It works for me on all levels.

Outstanding
Tim

Jackweb

2 years 7 months ago

Wow!

Yeah, you're right! I felt it emotionally as I was writing it. That's why you could feel the expression in the poem. Much appreciated for reading through and your precious comments.
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Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

The Fresh Air of Love

Hi, Jackweb!
"...a love with purity, with a kind heart
that ne're takes pleasure in revenge..."
So lovely, and wonderful poetry!

I'm curious why the word "here" is used at the end of S4, L1 and L4. It stands out just a bit to me, but I wonder if it defines something intentional. Also, I believe "it's sweet wave" should be "its."
Just reading this gives me a strong sense of hope and appreciation for true love.
L

Jackweb

2 years 7 months ago

Many thanks!

Much appreciated for reading and your precious comments. You have the answer already. It was intentionally written that way. Thanks for the correction on (its).
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