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Jan 28, 2025
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Frog Chorus
There's a frog chorus in the woods,
I heard it from whence I stood.
As silence fell, in that forgotten place,
Like a peaceful breeze, I did chase.
As joyous birds sang this fine day,
Resplendent visions on display.
Each chirp a melodious delight,
Echoed in chambers of varied height.
And amidst the mystery of wondrous joy,
A creature slunk in a way so coy.
With hair of snow and fire,
As a predator inspired.
But watch the scuttle of a fearless mouse,
As he swiftly finds haven in his house.
One wrong move and he'd be gone
Succumbed to the prowess of the slyest one.
In awe I marvel at the order of things,
From those who chirp, to that which stings.
And prowling foxes with bushy tails,
The winners of nature which never fails.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and descriptive language to create a lively scene of nature. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.
In the first stanza, the phrase "I heard it from whence I stood" seems to be a bit redundant, as "whence" already implies the speaker's location. A more concise alternative could be "I heard it where I stood."
The transition between the second and third stanzas could be smoother. The second stanza focuses on the beauty and joy of the scene, while the third stanza abruptly introduces a predator. This sudden shift could be softened by using a transitional sentence at the end of the second stanza.
The fourth stanza introduces a mouse character, but it's not clear how this character fits into the overall narrative of the poem. If the mouse is meant to represent a specific idea or theme, this could be made clearer.
The final stanza, while effectively summarizing the poem's themes, could benefit from a more impactful ending. The phrase "The winners of nature which never fails" is a bit vague and doesn't provide a strong conclusion to the poem. A more specific statement about the nature or the order of things could provide a more satisfying ending.
In terms of meter and rhyme, the poem generally maintains a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, which helps to create a pleasant reading experience. However, there are a few lines that disrupt this rhythm, such as "With hair of snow and fire," which could be reworked to better fit the poem's meter.
Overall, this poem has a strong foundation and with a few revisions, it could be even more effective in conveying its themes and imagery.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
5 months 3 weeks ago
Woww!
fabulous imagery through out. You took me to places I never been to. Really each stanza is full of vivid showing imagery.
Thank you for sharing!
Lavender
5 months 3 weeks ago
Frog Chorus
Hello, Tigger,
Very observant! A lot of action and character within this. "Echoed in chambers of varied height" brings the entire chorus together.
Much enjoyed!
L