scribbler

Aug 10, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

FRONTMAN DUES

prechorus:
sleepless nights
my memories return to you
haunting me
every time a show is through

Ears still ringing
head still hurting as I lay in bed
from the crowd and all the singing
that keeps running through my sleepless head

Too many empty wasted years
of too many clubs and bars
and far too many shots and beers
in front of the drums and loud guitars

chorus:
sleepless nights
bloodshot eyes
rocking nights
exhausted days

Spent my whole life sweating, giving
to the bottomless and heartless takers
who never even pay a decent living
while I compete with all the fakers

But now I gotta get some sleep
'cause early comes the day-time job
working for a money grubbing creep
who only knows and cares to rob

So I close my burning smoke filled eyes
trying not to think of you
and hope that you don't still despise
this man you once thought that you knew

chorus:
sleepless nights
my memories come back to you
haunting me
each time that the show is through

not sure if poetry or lyrics but tend toward song lyrics

About This Poem

Last Few Words: All suggestions welcomed as I have no idea what I'm doing

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Roscoe Lane

13 years 11 months ago

Both.

Both but i'd love to hear it set to music, i think it would make a terrific song. Regards Roscoe...

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

Hi Roscoe

Thanks. Maybe I could try playing a kazoo lol........stan

Hooded Stranger

13 years 11 months ago

Stan

Stan,

as previously mentioned, drop in a chorus and you'll be on the right path towards a lyric. We can discuss the technicalities of building in a bridge and a pre-chorus later,

regards,

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

hi

Will edit with an attempted chorus Sat. evening. I thought bridges were for teeth and creeks lol.......stan

magics02

13 years 11 months ago

Spotted

and noted. You are on the way friend. Really like this one. I can not do a decent crit right now as I am unable to sit here long. Just a retweak to lessen up some word usage for flow that is about it. I definetly hear the song in it.

Goodness gracious Charlie Brown:)

Mona
xox

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

hello

You know ol' try anything once lol. I'm gonna work on it a bit more. Get ye healthy.........stan

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

Hi Rose

Glad to help recall days of youth. Your life can still be what you make of it, You know..........stan

raj

13 years 11 months ago

Stan

the grind of the day followed by rewinding the day .. sleep eluding neatly depicted in this write...

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

Hi raj

Never been on stage( other than as part of a choir) but tried to capture the feeling of a lead singer in a band. Thanks for visiting.........stan

Hooded Stranger

13 years 11 months ago

Stan

Stan,

nice job with the chorus, perfectly weighted.

regards,

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

thanks

Have now added a pre and post chorus (if that's what they're called lol). ........stan

wesley snow

9 years 10 months ago

Like mine...

we need to hear the melody to know just how smooth the rhythm is. Song lyrics.

scribbler

9 years 10 months ago

hi wes

This is meant to be delivered in an old rock and roll manner. It might be that attempts at song should be posted in spoken word so the "beat can be supplied by the writer........stan

wesley snow

9 years 10 months ago

I think the recording should be sung...

if there is a melody to sing. But that would just be for fun. It would be neat to hear some poet's musical leanings. I know there are song writers among NeoPoet. If I can get my voice half way together from the smoking I will let you suffer through the sound just so you can hear what I think is a very pretty melody.

scribbler

9 years 10 months ago

Sung?

Not likely to hear me try to sing lol.I suspect my voice is likely to sound like a cross between fingernails on a chalk board and a bullfrog farting lmao.............stan

wesley snow

9 years 10 months ago

Mine is not so hot these days.

I studied the art from nine years old to about seventeen or eighteen. Thirty years of heavy drinking takes its toll however. I'm working on some exercises. I'd like to do it for Rula.