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Jul 23, 2019
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The gambler
He came there every day
The casino was his second home
Maybe I will win today
He put his chips on the table
Then watched the ball going round
It did not fall on his number
Another unlucky day
I will come again tomorrow
Maybe I will win one day
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Dear Neopoets do you like my poem? send me your comments. Eulekia
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Marthalyn
5 years 11 months ago
Well penned
Your poem is short but poignant and the meaning is clear. The addiction to gambling is a horrific thing for anyone to bear. I think your switching between third-person and first-person point of view ads, even more, intensity to it. You've exposed a long and sad story and condensed it well allowing the reader to understand, this could happen to anyone. The title describes your poem simply, just as you've presented it, and I wouldn't change a thing.
Respectfully,
weirdelf
5 years 11 months ago
To me it needs a little something extra
Perhaps the consequences on others in the gamblers life? Perhaps the consequences on other aspects of the gamblers life? It really is an insidious addiction, you can only drink so much or die, or shoot so much heroin or die but there is no limit to the personal and social costs of gambling.
See where I would like to see a little extra edge here?