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Nov 25, 2010
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Garrote
He's a Jealous creature,
tearing his heart out
it gnaws at his innards
Tormented, stalked by insecurity.
and bonds he can't escape,
a garrote for his neck.
The ugly side of love
rears its poisonous head
He lashes out verbal intensity
Words slashing
like razor blades.
Lacerating her affection
Suffocation won't keep her close
The tighter he squeezes,
The more likely escape.
Punch drunk
and dazed by emotion,
he needs to lay this burden down,
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
lou
14 years 7 months ago
Partially finished
Lou
lou
14 years 7 months ago
JC
thanks
love lou
lou
14 years 7 months ago
Thanks
Your tweaks have unproved it, but prefer to say verbal intensity rather than attacks and prefer lacerating to murdering.
Lou
loved
14 years 7 months ago
My Answer is what says uuuuuuuuuuuu lou lou lou
"All opinion is valid as long as you truly believe it, so have the courage of your own convictions
lou
14 years 7 months ago
Thank you
I am an emotional woman .
Love Lou xx
Race_9togo
14 years 7 months ago
Lou
I enjoy this immensely.
I know many men who at one time or another have been this thing you illustrate so vividly, and more than a few who have regreted.
The only suggestion that I have is that on the last line of the fifth stanza, I read "the" instead of "a".
Thanks for posting this.
lou
14 years 7 months ago
Jim
Unfortunately I know the type.
Glad you like it.
Lou