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Jan 28, 2023
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Get to the Treasure
I fall to the ground, my tears fall with the rain
Life slowly leaves my body in the day to day drain
I fight all the voices that say I'll never be enough
But they're winning the battle, I want to give up
But then when I get where I'm headed, that feeling
Makes up for all the joy that pain has been stealing
You have to go through storms to get to the treasure
Sometimes you gotta feel pain to get to the pleasure
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Lavender
2 years 5 months ago
Get to the Treasure
Hello, Shelby,
We can all relate to this, moving along from the pain to the reward and pleasure. Another wonderful message! The rhyme is tight and the the rhythm is smooth.
Thank you!
L
Shelby Pryor
2 years 5 months ago
Lavender
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!