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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Jan 16, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 01/14/24 to 01/20/24 🏆 Winner

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Ghost Tales #3 The Unwanted Kiss

2714 Girard Ave. N. Ghost Tales #3
The Unwanted Kiss

Sour lips pressed to mine in the night
breath the like of which to peel paint !
Push hard against the weight on my chest
harder still, I'm ready to faint

How can a ghost exert such willing
dominance over the living ?
Sitting up sharply I catch my wind
He's taking what I'm not 'giving'

Severely stressed over this, I'm wrecked
not sleeping well numerous nights,
my brain will not shut down long enough...
I must stay near the brightest lights!

When I close my eyes, I see His face
wide red eyes staring into mine
Nerves on fire, I manage to get up
to the bathroom... here, but not fine!

More mad than frightened, splashing my face,
seeing my image in the glass
hot tears of rage welling up to flow...
incredulous! How can this pass?

It's three a.m. I'm up for the day.
Who could sleep after what I found?
Under the covers, I dress myself,
feeling His presence all around

Some one older, wiser than myself,
might know better what's to be done
Who can I turn to with this problem?
not my idea of good fun...

I am only fourteen for Christ's sake!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: a true story

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 year 5 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem maintains a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme throughout, which aids in the readability and flow of the piece. The use of first-person perspective effectively conveys a sense of personal experience and emotion, which can help to engage the reader.

However, the poem could benefit from more show, less tell. For instance, instead of directly stating "I am only fourteen for Christ's sake!!!", consider using imagery or metaphor to convey the speaker's youth and innocence. This could add depth to the poem and make it more engaging.

Additionally, the poem seems to rely heavily on exclamation points for emphasis. While this can be effective in moderation, overuse can make the tone feel forced or melodramatic. Consider using other methods to convey emphasis, such as word choice or sentence structure.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most lines follow a similar pattern, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Varying sentence structure can add interest and help to maintain the reader's attention.

Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it could be even more engaging and impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

1 year 5 months ago

Wow

This is really intense and the last line is a shock, really jolts the reader. I suppose ghosts don't know age limits. Are the numbers in parenthesis the number of syllables? I am the worst at counting syllables and meter and rarely pay attention.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Yes, sylilables

I am terrible with them, too. I left the count next to each line so Geezer can check to see if I am good. I will remove them after that.

This was a terrifying event in my life. It seems to me that I was often thrown into something over my head! Norma said it was too bad that I had "the Gift" she would rather it would skip a generation.

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

1 year 5 months ago

Oh wow

Would've terrified me as well. I could always feel their presence but more as I got older. I've had quite a few dreams that I'm sure I crossed into other realms and it was terrifying.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

I know...

I have had out of body experiences while dreaming. An old boyfriend asked me why I was outside his window a whole state away. then he saw me disappear!

Unca Fez

Unca Fez

1 year 5 months ago

Very Scary

It brings to mind images from "The Entity"! And I am sure that Norma was of little help.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

You got it!

The most that Norma did was cop to the ghost, admitting he was haunting the house...but she also allowed me to have girlfriends over to stay the night! I did find some "Help" accidentally...

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 5 months ago

Cat

I wasn't aware that this type of experince was
even allowable in a universal sense. but I believe
that it happened. It must have been more than
traumatic.I am sorry that you experinced this.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Dear Leslie,

There are many mysteries in this big old world. I am glad for you, that you have not met with a ghost. I hope you do not have that experience, ever.

thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

*hugs, Cat

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 5 months ago

Cat...

I've seen a few things, but certainly not ghosts. Again I'm sorry that you did!

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Dear Leslie,

throughout my long life, I have seen many things and many ghosts. I kinda wish I had not.

*hugs, Cat

M

MermaidMaster

1 year 5 months ago

this poem is terrifying! the

this poem is terrifying! the way you described the encounter left a chill down my spine. I am so sorry that you experienced this fright. Thank you for sharing!

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Thank you MM

for your kindness and understanding. I appreciate it very much.

*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Dear Clentin,

Thank you for your lovely comment. And for telling me what you liked. This is a true story.

*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Dear Will,

Thank you Will, I have decided that you are one of the "Good Guys!".

*hugs & love, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 5 months ago

Thank you Steven,

I know you have heard the stories before, of that terrible house. When I look back in time, I feel I handled it well. I am not prone to panic until after a traumatic situation has past.

*love, Cat