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Jul 17, 2023
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A Girl I Still Wonder About...
With their elated spines now tingling through the awakened minds subtlest feelings,
And the core of their inner souls aligned to the essences they found so deep inside,
Through such resplendent realisations of the complexities of their spiritual meanings,
They rediscover the cosmic creative essences of when inner galaxies did first collide.
With an intrinsic destiny of the innermost passions genuinely pure introspective form,
There became a unique spiritual perfection between two beings as dynamics refined,
For when humanities two truest new leaders through the creative oath when sworn,
Their innately immortal souls entwine through their unique essences being so divine.
And with such feelings of individuality as a pure essence becomes empowered vibe,
Through such an ancient spiritual uniqueness shared between two inspired minds,
The harmonised telepathic emotions within the shared depths of a soul of wonder,
Is when their truest divine essences explore the nature of their resonating designs.
For when the uniquest of subliminal beauty through a pure and spiritual connection,
Is truly captivated and adoring in its admiration of the inner universes blissful grace,
There manifests in their hearts a profoundest wonder and depth of soul inspiration,
In the discovery of a sublime enlightened consciousness unique to the human race.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I redrafted this 10 times, Tell me what you think of it...
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 11 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Girl I Still Wonder About..." explores themes of spirituality, connection, and the profound wonder of a unique relationship. The language used is rich and descriptive, creating a sense of depth and introspection.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the structure of the poem. Currently, the poem is written in a single stanza, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. Breaking the poem into smaller stanzas or sections could help to create a clearer structure and enhance the overall readability.
Additionally, some of the phrases and descriptions in the poem could benefit from further clarity and specificity. For example, phrases such as "the awakened minds subtlest feelings" and "rediscover the cosmic creative essences of when inner galaxies did first collide" could be expanded upon to provide a clearer image or idea for the reader.
Overall, the poem shows potential in its exploration of spiritual themes and the depth of human connection. By considering the structure and refining certain descriptions,
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 year 11 months ago
Yeah...
What the AI said... Damn! I ain't read anything like that in a loooooong time! I feel like ummmmm... Hell no! I'm not making fun of you! Hey, a bottle of wine, some grass and some of that! Heh... Damn, I'm gonna regret this in the morning. ~ Geezer.
.
Alan Garfoot
1 year 11 months ago
thankyou geezer,
thankyou geezer,
that was profound
Lavender
1 year 11 months ago
A Girl I Still Wonder About
Hello, Alan,
Very impressive language and in-depth analogy. And I am certain it describes your title well, but I am not capturing the emotion, the feeling, the "it" that makes you still wonder about this girl, who obviously must have been amazing. Fantastic title that makes me want to know, understand, and feel the "BANG" please!
Thank you!
L
Alan Garfoot
1 year 11 months ago
for the elements which went
for the elements which went bang please read 'They Day They First Met..'
Cheers...
A.P.
Obadiah Grey
1 year 10 months ago
Yeah, I've got one of those,
Yeah, I've got one of those, I suppose we've all got one, hopefully.
You seem to be speaking from "Her" perspective too with the inclusion of "Their",
a leap that is not yours to make,
Not sure man,,,,
Obi.
Alan Garfoot
1 year 10 months ago
true admittedly im just
true admittedly im just idealising my daydreams of her and using it as inspiration for my writing, what she thinks ill probably never know, we lost contact with each other many years ago...
anyway....