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Give it to me
Give it to me
Father some health
Because I just don't
Have any more good health
Also Father
I am a little old now
And I also suffer
From depression
For a long time now
Also Father
It is hard for me to live
With depression my
Father
I must tell you
That also I take some narcotics
For my depression
Every single day
Night and morning
I never skip a dose of
Narcotics
Give it to me
A good night's sleep
Every single night
AIso Father I never wake up
During the middle of the
Night
I sleep all the way through
The night
Also, I am always dreaming
With my loved ones
That died a long time ago
I am glad that they are
Resting also in peace in heaven
Also I have a beautiful
Life
That my father gave to
Me
When he made me
With his holy hands
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by ALDO kRAAS
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem adopts a direct, almost confessional tone, addressing a “Father” figure—possibly God or a paternal presence—with requests for health, sleep, and relief from depression. The structure is loose and repetitive, with frequent use of “Also Father,” which creates a sense of pleading or ongoing conversation. This repetition could be interpreted as mimicking the cyclical nature of prayer or the reiterative thought patterns common in depression.
The poem’s diction is plain and unadorned, which lends an air of sincerity but also limits the emotional resonance that more figurative or evocative language might provide. The mention of narcotics as a treatment for depression is striking and somewhat jarring; it introduces a note of realism that contrasts with the otherwise spiritual or prayerful tone. The poem moves between concrete details (medication, sleep patterns) and more abstract or spiritual concerns (dreams of loved ones, gratitude for life), but the transitions are abrupt, and the connections between these elements could be more developed.
The poem’s ending shifts to gratitude and the idea of being created with “holy hands,” which introduces a note of resolution or acceptance. However, the poem does not fully explore the complexities of its themes—such as the tension between suffering and gratitude, or the interplay between physical and spiritual health.
The poem could benefit from more precise imagery and a clearer sense of progression or development. As it stands, the repetition and plainness risk flattening the emotional impact. Consider experimenting with line breaks, imagery, and metaphor to deepen the exploration of the speaker’s experience and to create a more dynamic emotional arc.
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Richard Milne
3 months ago
Thanks
I appreciate the imagery, and the perspective gained from reading new works. Keep at it.