09/25 Bad Connection

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Glitch

Our love is a weak signal,
always cutting out when I need clarity.
You move the router of truth,
so I blame myself for the disconnect.

Gaslighting crackles like static in my ears,
you twist my words
until I can’t tell if I’m buffering or breaking.

I keep trying to repair what I never broke,
typing in passwords that never work,
refreshing, retrying,
begging for a bar of effort from you.

But the screen freezes,
the call drops,
I’m stuck in a loop
while you act like the line is clear

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Just my feelings.Nothing much.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: Gauteng South Africa

Comments

neopoet

2 weeks 2 days ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem effectively uses the metaphor of technological glitches and connectivity issues to explore the complexities and frustrations of a troubled relationship. The extended metaphor—comparing love to a weak signal, communication to a router, and emotional manipulation to static and buffering—creates a cohesive and relatable framework that resonates with contemporary experiences.

The imagery is vivid and precise, particularly in lines like "Gaslighting crackles like static in my ears" and "typing in passwords that never work," which convey emotional confusion and persistent effort in a way that feels immediate and tangible. The poem’s structure, with short, sharp lines and enjambment, mirrors the interruptions and disjointedness of the relationship it describes.

One area to consider for further development is the emotional arc: while the poem captures frustration and confusion well, it might deepen its impact by incorporating moments of vulnerability or insight that reveal more about the speaker’s internal transformation or realization. Additionally, varying the rhythm or line length in key moments could heighten the tension or release, enhancing the poem’s emotional dynamics.

Overall, the poem’s metaphorical framework is strong and well-executed, and with some attention to emotional nuance and rhythmic variation, it could achieve even greater resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Sen99

2 weeks 2 days ago

Modern technology

...... is shit. The logic is good, all the tech based metaphors work well, word choices A nice, relatable poem about problems of virtual dating.in modern life.

thanks for share