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Feb 21, 2019
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God is Everie----Where?
God Is Every--- where?
It's a lovely prayer
when man is in despair
towards heaven
we look up
coz we were told
God lives there
I have
many times gone
in warplanes to see
WHERE GOD LIVES
but he is clever than all of us
clouds burst
and
all human searchers disburse
Great image of God
I still feel
He lives
within ye and me
All poets here
do believe in me
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
6 years 4 months ago
logic and narrative
I have some problems with this poem. First the title, not knowing who they are, and doen't fit for me. I choose the first line, without a question mark. The first stanza invites us to the poem nicely.
The second line, starting with COZ (which makes me cringe!, it ain't English so if we are going to write in English let's do so!!) I just finalized the enjambment with a contraction, we're, to save a syllable. Next is the image of warplanes which I find confusing...not just airplanes. the narrative continues, god outsmarts us and remains invisible in heaven. next the poem declares he lives in us...how, why? Because you feel it?That's not enough. I don't feel "He" lives in me. Show me how he lives in you. The last line tells us the poets believe IN you, as you are God, not believes with you that God is within us.
God Is Every where
It's a lovely prayer
when man is in despair
towards heaven
we look up
BECAUSE we're told
God lives there
I have
many times gone
in warplanes to see
WHERE GOD LIVES
but he is More clever than us
clouds burst
and
all human searchers disburse
Great image of God
I still feel
He lives
within YOU and me
I think the poem needs to be digested and reworked on this very difficult subject that demands a lot from a poem. Show us with you poetry the glory of this God. why is it even a "He"?