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This poem is part of the contest:

01/26 New Member Contest

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Gogo told me stories

I am forty five now
But I still remember
The sweet, sweet old honey scent of Gogo
I remember her stories
Gogo told me stories of how the cemetery was once the land of abavukile (the woken)
Now it's the land of abaleleyo(the dead)

I remember her stories,
Gogo told me stories of how her heart once belonged to a man,her long dead man
Now it's the land of abaleleyo(the dead)

I remember her stories,
Gogo told me stories of how one day I'd be forty five but also five at the same time
Of how I'd remember her stories
Well, she's in the land of abaleleyo( the dead)
I still remember her stories

About This Poem

Last Few Words: These are my memories of Gogo, my African grandmother Note the use of Vernacular Zulu words Gogo means granny Abavukile means the awoke Abaleleyo means the dead

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ZWE

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores memory, loss, and the enduring influence of a grandmother ("Gogo") through a series of recollections. The structure relies on repetition—"I remember her stories, / Gogo told me stories..."—which effectively mimics the cyclical nature of memory and oral storytelling traditions. The use of sensory detail, particularly "the sweet, sweet old honey scent Gogo left on my clothes," grounds the poem in a tangible, intimate experience.

The inclusion of isiZulu terms ("abavukile" and "abaleleyo") adds cultural specificity and depth, though the poem might benefit from a more integrated explanation or context for readers unfamiliar with these words. The parenthetical translations help, but the emotional resonance could be deepened by showing how these terms connect to the speaker's understanding of life, death, and ancestry.

The poem's progression from stories about the land, to love, to the speaker's own aging, creates a layered effect, suggesting that Gogo's stories are both personal and communal, linking individual memory with broader histories. The line "how one day I'd be forty five and also five at the same time" is particularly effective, capturing the way memory collapses time and how the past remains present.

The final lines, "Well, at least she's in the land of abaleleyo (the dead)," introduce a note of resignation or acceptance, but the phrase "at least" could be reconsidered for tone, as it risks undercutting the emotional weight built earlier. The poem might be strengthened by exploring this emotional shift more fully, clarifying whether it is meant to be comforting, ironic, or mournful.

Attention to punctuation and spacing could improve clarity and flow. For example, "a man,her long dead man" would benefit from a space after the comma, and consistent spacing after "Well,at least" would enhance readability.

Overall, the poem effectively uses repetition, sensory imagery, and cultural references to evoke the enduring presence of Gogo and her stories, but could benefit from refining its emotional transitions and attending to minor technical details.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

3 months 1 week ago

This is...

a good example of how the younger generation knows their heritage, the stories of the family's history.

Sadly, today's youngsters don't care about what came before them. The stories will be lost forever; when they are old, they will not be able to pass on the history. I like the generality of the piece, just enough specifics to let you know that she is telling the story of her husband and how the land has changed. If you were to tell a story with a lot of detail, it would overshadow the whole of the main piece. ~ Geezer.

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