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weirdelf
weirdelf
Jan 13, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Going

I forgot to nail one foot to the floor
whilst reading "On The Road" yet again
time nor distance wait the impatient tread
of distance unrolling for mere distance sake.
There is no fear, regret nor dread
as responsibilities are shed in widening wake
there is naught ahead but more and more yet more
revealing as it comes great vistas full of mayhem

As dawn blinks bright upon the dusty roads
and stunted shrubs reveal coast nearby
I nose into a space where I can see
the ocean in its constant endless greeting
a welcome rarely given just for me
for sure it's dark, dangerous, forbidding
but come on in, it offers, taunts and goads
no guarantee of safety, nor any lie.

Clothes lie strewn along the beach
the world is mine, and ours alone
no need to seek, grab, grasp or reach
I am Loki, Hermes, Puck
we are

Spoken word: https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/going-by-jess-tapper
now a Vid too!-
https://youtu.be/c5SABgmxZg8

About This Poem

Last Few Words: If you haven't read Jack Kerouac's "On The Road" you simply must. Just that, you simply must, but don't forget to nail one foot to the floor first.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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More from this author

Comments

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 6 months ago

i hate 'get'

Would you consider 'as responsibilities are shed'?
You need a comma between grab and grasp, in the last stanza

I really love the beginning -lol -I'm having to nail my foot to the floor just reading your write - especially today, it's as hot as hell here and getting hotter - i don't have to pick up Kerouac at all. Apart from my opening comment, I have nothing to offer for improvement...

This needs to be read aloud in order to feel the impact
Awesomely written jess
love judy
xxx

lovedly

lovedly

10 years 6 months ago

my my and why

even Jess's poetry has some typo like fallacies
okay falsies
Judy dares to spear
and Jess accepts
W/o a tear
but I still fear

lovedly

lovedly

10 years 6 months ago

arret arret

nothing short of excellent
as always
arret =STOP!
Paris

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

thanks Alid

I like that "an explosion of imagery". Too much, do you think?

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 6 months ago

Well, Jess

I thought its the most imagery in one poem that you have written unless of course I've missed out on your write which is longer than this...

Alid

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 6 months ago

Jess

From the dusty desert to the shinning shore.
Do you think we could ask for more.
Not really but we need to dodge flapping laundry
Swinging in the Oceans breeze so free

Has that man I know left the red sand behind
With it's cats and the tranquillity he'd find
To wander where two worlds meet for all time.
In unison if only we could see, there is no line.

Grand write Jess, it brings to mind the little piece I read when a child:-

I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and sky
I left my pants and vest there
I wonder if they are dry..
Yours Ian

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

who is sparrow?

and what have you done with ian T.?
We do not change our usernames at a whim here, it is a huge pain in the arse for andrew.

Thanks for the read.

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

oops

just read your blog about the name change.
The profile Ian T. seems to be working fine from this end. Did you put in a Tech report before starting a new name?

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 6 months ago

Jack Sparrow

Was sent to Australia, during the time of transportation I had problems before and Andrew said he would merge both names, the other day I just couldn't get in to join the workshop, but Sparrow kept coming up so am using that at the moment,
It's no problem, most know who it is, as I have been signing my silly bits as Sparrow in comments for some time.
Thanks Jess I can still see the comment on Ian.T so there is no worries, Yours Ian

lovedly

lovedly

10 years 6 months ago

and am I speaking with

IAN T JACK THE SPARROW AUSSIE CUM UKEEE
YUPS...
okay sir
this message was from loved /low bed ly or something ..blah blah blah
via Sadie !

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

loved

you must tell me where you get your drugs.
I like to get seriously fucked up sometimes too.

mand

mand

10 years 6 months ago

Jess

I absolutely love the rhyming scheme, imagery, carefree feel, subject. This poem is really great!

Bravo! :)

Love Mand xxxx

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

ta mand

it feels like one of my better ones.

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

Ta Judy, Loved, Alid, Ian, Mand and Roscoe

I appreciate the feedback.

Kind of wondering that no-one complained about the last line. It bothers me, perhaps a bit pretentious and incongruous? Frankly I was stuck for an ending. What do you think these alternatives?-
I am Loki, Hermes, Puck
or
no need to seek, grab or grasp
no need to seek or grab
no need to seek
no need

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 6 months ago

personally

i like it as is
the different connotations on the three... paganism...wiccan...et al....
For me, the line expresses submission to nature and the divine
i think it is neither pretentious nor congruous.... it describes the feeling i believe you are trying to express

xxx

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

To me there is a lot of

To me there is a lot of meaning in between the lines and gave me the impression of a person who wants to be carefree and ultimately finds what he is looking for.. a haven / sanctuary. after searching for it all through his life ..in the beach...

not sure if i read it right or got it all wrong...

Regards,

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 5 months ago

you got it right, Raj

may I say, that even though sometimes you interpret my poems entirely differently from what i intended, you are right, my poems don't belong to me, they belong to my readers.
And I tremendously your admire your courage in giving your own interpretation.

S

scribbler

10 years 6 months ago

Hmmm.....

I was going right along thinking how Jess has gotten out of his writing funk. Then there at the end you became "maiden, mother and the crone"........Kinda jolts when we all know you are a man. Perhaps you are trying to say you are everybody. If so perhaps something like
"brother, father, maiden and crone".
Could also consider vast vistas of mayhem for a bit of alliteration unless you think it might distract from an already excellent line. Just a few errant thoughts on a far above average poem.........stan

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

raj, sometimes you get it terribly wrong

and each time you do I applaud you for having a voice. You have great courage and insight.
This time you were very close! Thank you.
The reason I found it difficult ending the poem is that the subject never really finds an answer, as we never do.

S

scribbler

10 years 6 months ago

Ok

You might be over thinking it.Sometimes it just take a few more words to clarify meaning. e.g..:
Though clothes lie strewn along the beach
and the world seems mine and ours alone
still the need to seek, grasp and reach
be I brother , mother, father of crone.

I expect you can do better but there Are alternatives out there'll....stan

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 6 months ago

Jess

I think the ending line was OK as how can we say who is speaking, that they have been through a few things and resort to the Ocean is fine it could have been anyone.
The line wasn't forced so no problem.
Still a great write, Yours Ian

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

ta

my young friend, your perceptions are developing nicely [grins]

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 6 months ago

Jess

This Sparrow has help from many, as to perception a natural flow of think Twix there and here, and the Children help each day.
I forgot the old gatekeeper the Monk who sits and writes he sees many things but seldom tells lol.
Are you going to see the cattery again soon??
Anyway this will do will talk later, Yours as always Ian & Children..

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 6 months ago

yes

I agree with you, it is an awesome write and one you should be proud of :)
xxx

Esker

Esker

10 years 6 months ago

documentary feel

I like the use of the word "nose"
something not usual
Like the mystery feel
and the assurance
in an unsteady feel..

the metaphor to nail..

a softer diffuse poem from you
and it works very well Elf

Thank You!

L

Lenny of Cohen

10 years 5 months ago

Sublime!

Wow! Jess, your words, so well crafted took me on a wondrous Journey. You hooked me in from line one, and I devoured the banquet offered through your seductive explosion of magical imagery. Reminded me of a film - Into The Wild - based on true events(aren't they all ?!?!), a film well worth watching.

Blessings and Big Love,

Lenny

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 5 months ago

thanks Lenny

most of my poems come out verbatim but this one was crafted and I am proud of it.
Any suggestions or corrections would be much appreciated.

If you read the comments you will see I am not entirely happy wit the ending.

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 5 months ago

Jess

Have just found "On the Road" so have sent for an audio copy to see what it is like.
I am having a load of trouble reading books at the moment and have a couple of my favourites here that have needed reading for the past year or so.
The reviews are brill so I will let you know what I think of it,
Take care young Jess, Yours as always Ian

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 5 months ago

not easy, my friend

you know love and care, but not unconditionally. And you know I have a mean streak.

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 5 months ago

Jess

I think that the last few lines are an opt out of reality, you there dwell, in the land of borders with no definite line.
The Oceans beach is one such place, the cloths represent the abandonment of all the things, there they lie as if strewn there when someone leaves and just walks into the sea.
I wrote a piece about such a person not so long ago,
Bit there is another version I wrote of the New Zealand end time, where the Spirit rushes along the beach of the north Island and launches its self from a rock there out across the sea to that dream place they all talk of.
Anyway the end could be adapted, but it just needs a few words more as to reason.
That will do for this one hope you can see what I mean, Yours as always Ian.T
PS:- I shall find the New Zealand one and re stream it xx

Esker

Esker

8 years 6 months ago

No lies!

Re read on xmas day!
Love that line!
"nose in"
used to hear this in traffic
terms..probably when
horses and carriages
coaches were the mainstay!
Always enjoy the striking
detailing of your work!
I can see the shrubs!
And been through the deserts
and coasts to love the smell
of the ocean!
Never been there to see the
great rolling breakers

Merry Xmas Mr Elf!

Mr Wolf!

weirdelf

weirdelf

8 years 6 months ago

No lies?

Re read on xmas day?
Je ne comprends pas.

There is nothing like the smell of the ocean to an old surfer or sailor. It is the closest thing to palpable memory.

Did I ever tell you about my most embarrassing Spoonerism with respect to that time? I was talking about the old days when I was a hippie and a surfie and said "In my old herpie siffie days".

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 2 months ago

ta!

Is ^5 a rating, like with divers and figure skaters? I hope it's not out of 10 or 100.