Earn A Poem Workshop 1

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This poem is part of the challenge:

Going Home

In a sterile sanctuary, he found a family,
Each soul a shipwrecked vessel seeking safe harbor.
They shared stories of shattered lives,
Told tales of tangled turmoil.
He built bridges from broken bricks,
And together they became a fortress.

The final day dawned, gray and grim.
Goodbyes were a bitter pill to swallow,
A heavy anchor dragging him down.
His heart, a hollow drum, echoed their absence.
Faces that had become mirrors of his own struggle,
Now faded into memories, a distant shore.

The road home stretched out, long and lonely,
A river of asphalt leading him away.
But in his mind, their laughter lingered,
A soft song of solidarity and strength.
He carried their hope like a torch,
A burning promise of a brighter tomorrow.

He was no longer a shadow, but a sturdy oak,
Rooted in resolve, reaching for the sun.
His past a tangled web, now a single thread,
Weaving a new tapestry of triumph and peace.
He was a man remade, ready to rise,
To walk the path of a future forged in freedom.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Dylon, George Harrison, Leonard Cohen, Jess, Rett, Black Mountain Gang

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Comments

neopoet

1 week 2 days ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem employs a series of extended metaphors to chart the protagonist’s emotional journey from isolation to self-acceptance and hope. The opening stanza’s “sterile sanctuary” and “shipwrecked vessel” imagery establishes a setting that is both clinical and redemptive, suggesting a group home, rehab, or similar environment. The metaphors of bridge-building and fortress construction from “broken bricks” effectively convey the communal process of healing, though the rapid transition from “shipwrecked” to “fortress” may benefit from more sensory detail or specificity to ground the transformation.

The second stanza uses the motif of departure—“final day,” “goodbyes,” “anchor”—to evoke the pain of separation. The “hollow drum” metaphor for the heart is evocative, though the subsequent line, “Faces that had become mirrors of his own struggle,” is more abstract and could be strengthened by concrete images or a brief vignette. The “distant shore” returns to nautical imagery, maintaining thematic cohesion.

The third stanza’s “river of asphalt” is a fresh image for the journey home, and the “laughter lingered” line introduces a softer, more hopeful tone. The torch metaphor for hope is conventional, but effective in context. The stanza overall balances melancholy and optimism, though the phrase “a burning promise of a brighter tomorrow” veers toward cliché and could be revised for originality.

The final stanza shifts to arboreal imagery—“sturdy oak,” “rooted in resolve”—to signal growth and newfound stability. The contrast between “tangled web” and “single thread” is conceptually interesting, but the transition could be clarified; how the past is integrated into the present is stated rather than shown. The closing lines, “man remade, ready to rise,” are thematically appropriate but somewhat abstract; more concrete detail or a specific gesture could provide a stronger emotional resolution.

Overall, the poem’s structure is clear, and the progression from despair to hope is well-mapped through metaphor. The language is accessible, but at times leans on familiar phrases. Greater specificity and fresh imagery, particularly in moments of emotional climax, would enhance the poem’s impact. The consistent use of metaphor provides cohesion, but varying the figurative language or incorporating more physical detail could deepen the reader’s engagement.

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Geezer

1 week 2 days ago

I think...

that your journey has been long and arduous, Making the best of a sterile environment, you chose to become a part of a family that you know you will encounter again, [though the members of said family will change, the dynamics of it will not]. We all belong somewhere. I've enjoyed the journey; your metaphors are spot on and they make the work easy to understand. ~ Good stuff! ~ Geez.