Going Home By Ferry

At the stern of the speeding ship
I met her where the railings swept
around the curve of rain-slick deck;
our arms slipped about each other,
and together, in growing warmth,
we fed the soaring gulls.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Another passion poem in compliment form, my third.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Comments

Race_9togo

14 years 7 months ago

:)

tugging at thine heart strings, as we?
heehee

Thanks Jayne,
I've been writing these short ones in the form devised by Jonathon, which he calls compliment (or is it complimentary?) form. I like it very much, and it forces me to pack more into less space, if you see what I mean.

Glad you like it.

Race_9togo

14 years 7 months ago

Sorry Jayne, but I missed your comment.

Yes I stumbled on Jonathon's concept and I have been hooked since. At first I thought it reminiscent of japanese forms, but I think there's a lot more to it than that.
I have been writing a couple a week for a fortnight or so, and I find it challenging, holding to the strictures of the form, and to the content of passion poetry.
But it's real fun, lol.
Glad you enjoyed my little effirt.

lou

14 years 7 months ago

Hi

Good poem , but in my opinion the last line doesn't make sense. Might read better if you cut out.

Lou

Race_9togo

14 years 7 months ago

Hi Lou

Well I can't cut it loose, as that would break the rules for complimentary form, which is the reason I wrote it.
This pictures a thing a past love and I often did, so I suppose it holds more meaning for me than anyone else. I think I may have to re-work this, huh.

Thanks for your help lou, much appreciated. Take another look in a bit, and see if it's better.

scribbler

14 years 7 months ago

ferry

quiet,loving familiarity all in a short new form. Johnathan , I expect, Will approve upon reading.........scribbler

Race_9togo

14 years 7 months ago

Thanks Scribbler,

Had some help from Lou on this one, her comment made me re-write the last three lines, to make it clearer.
Yeah, I hope Jonathon enjoys it when he reads it.