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This poem is part of the contest:

Season Of Spring Contest!

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Golden Pond...

Gold fish swim lazy
Still pools of deep dark water
Cherry blossoms bloom

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Written while listening to Japanese music with water background.

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years ago

Thank you...

I wrote it while listening to some very relaxing Japanese music and waterfalls, it seems like it helped. ~ Geez.
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A

Arrow

4 years ago

I agree with Mark

in all points: title, lazily, and alliteration (I like the alliteration). I'm not sure the idea of a pool and flowing are consistent. I think pools are still. I appreciate the contrast of the dark pool and the light cherry blossoms.

Geezer

Geezer

4 years ago

I do believe...

that I will take the idea of the pool being still./ Thank you! ~ Geez.
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Geezer

Geezer

4 years ago

Thanks...

It is hard for 'Westerners' to remove alliteration. I guess it goes with the thought that everything has to be spelled out. ~ Geez.
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