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Jun 02, 2021
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Golden Pond...
Gold fish swim lazy
Still pools of deep dark water
Cherry blossoms bloom
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Written while listening to Japanese music with water background.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
4 years ago
Thanks Mark...
I took care of the title. Better?
~ Geez.
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Ray Whitaker
4 years ago
Nice piece
Such good images
Geezer
4 years ago
Thank you...
I wrote it while listening to some very relaxing Japanese music and waterfalls, it seems like it helped. ~ Geez.
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Arrow
4 years ago
I agree with Mark
in all points: title, lazily, and alliteration (I like the alliteration). I'm not sure the idea of a pool and flowing are consistent. I think pools are still. I appreciate the contrast of the dark pool and the light cherry blossoms.
Geezer
4 years ago
I do believe...
that I will take the idea of the pool being still./ Thank you! ~ Geez.
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Obadiah Grey
4 years ago
Three visuals that bind the
Three visuals that bind the piece together.
Well written.
Obi.
Geezer
4 years ago
Thanks...
It is hard for 'Westerners' to remove alliteration. I guess it goes with the thought that everything has to be spelled out. ~ Geez.
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