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Dec 10, 2015
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Goodbye my sweet friend
Goodbye my sweet Buddy Blaze you were a very sweet
and gentle fellow who gave me lots smiles and joy.
And I will always be remembering you hopping and playing in yard
In the grass and laying on my bed eating a carrot.
But now you are over the rainbow bridge a far better
place where you can be with your sister Fawn who was probably
happy to see you again and all the other bunnies I have there too.
you always be in my heart and I will never forget you.
your Binky free my Sweet friend be at peace.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
wesley snow
9 years 7 months ago
I didn't like this as much as the other.
The sentences (verses) seem to run on. I think this would benefit from making shorter sentences or (my preferred) break the lines in the middle of your verses.
"Goodbye my sweet Buddy Blaze
you were a very sweet..."
The subject was very sad.
Pugilist
9 years 7 months ago
Wesley's Point
I, too, wanted more than sentences dumped on the page.
Poetry, even free verse, needs to leaf the reader through the piece. There has to be a flow that allows the story or thought to be enjoyed. Right now I feel my effort to resd will be greater than your effort to write.
And, to be frank, I can't see ehy I should work harder than the poet.
There has never been a poem written that is worth more of an effort to consume than to create and poets who neglect this are doomed to obscurity.