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Aug 09, 2024
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Goose Quill
When quills are dipped in vessels and veins,
when ink is but a shade of red,
then all they'd spell are woes and pains,
and stories of less happy ends.
Where all we tread is out of lamps,
and quills are dipped in vessels and veins,
then how to feet happy iambs,
the lands we live are all insane.
When all the words just yell in vain
in lands that turn to battle fields,
and quills are dipped in vessels and veins,
can words be then a real shield?
When our lives but a very cheap deal,
Man for nothing is often slain,
will words be then of any heal
when quills are dipped in vessels and veins?
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
10 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Goose Quill" presents a profound exploration of the power and limitations of words in the face of human suffering. The recurring line "when quills are dipped in vessels and veins" effectively creates a haunting refrain that underscores the poem's themes of pain, struggle, and the desperate search for meaning.
In terms of structure, the poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and meter, which contributes to its overall flow and rhythm. However, the use of archaic language such as "woes", "iambs", and "slain" may limit its accessibility to a broader audience. Modernizing the language could make the poem's message more relatable and impactful.
The poem's imagery is vivid and evocative, particularly the metaphor of quills dipped in blood, which effectively conveys the idea of writing born from pain and suffering. However, the metaphor could be further developed and nuanced throughout the poem to deepen its impact.
The poem's exploration of the power of words is thought-provoking, particularly in the lines "can words be then a real shield?" and "will words be then of any heal". However, these questions could be expanded upon to provide a more in-depth exploration of this theme.
In terms of suggestions for improvement, consider modernizing the language to increase accessibility, further developing the central metaphor, and expanding on the exploration of the power of words.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
10 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Rula,
I will have to think about this poem for a while. I really liked the rhythm and flow. I will be back.
*hugs, Cat
Rula
10 months 2 weeks ago
Dearest Cat
You're welcome anytime. I would like to hear more from a talented poetess like you
Thank you dear!
Candlewitch
10 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Rula,
all I can do is light a candle for you and make a wish that the occupation ends . I am a witch, you know.
* sincerely, Cat
Lavender
10 months 2 weeks ago
Goose Quill
Hello, Rula,
So wonderful and smooth the way the first line gradually makes its way down through the rest of the stanzas. Nicely done! For me, this reaffirms just how important the written word is, when it is truthful. I do feel the suffering in this, as AI suggests, but also a sense of warning in its message.
Thank you, My Friend!
Lx
Rula
10 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Lavender
Your words means a lot to me. The suffer is always there as long as my homeland is occupied.
Thank you!
I really appreciate your words.