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Jul 24, 2024
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Grapple with love!
Looking through eyes
that shimmer like crystal.
Dancing through nights
under the moon.
You call to your love
your fire like a pistol.
She follows you home
to passionately swoon.
Engaged in embrace
you follow her gestures.
Grappling boldly
you offer her proof.
Finally succumbing
love ends with the rapture.
Resulting in paradox
that all ends too soon.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: How did it make you feel.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
11 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Grapple with Love!" appears to follow a narrative structure, detailing a romantic encounter from beginning to end. The use of vivid imagery, such as "eyes that shimmer like crystal" and "fire like a pistol", effectively conveys the intensity of the emotions involved.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The first two stanzas have a clear ABAB pattern, but this is not maintained throughout the poem. Consistency in rhythm and rhyme can enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging to the reader.
The poem also uses abstract language in some instances, such as "grappling boldly" and "love ends with the rapture". While these phrases create a sense of drama, they could be more effective if they were grounded in concrete, sensory details. This would allow the reader to better understand and connect with the emotions being expressed.
The final line, "that all ends too soon", introduces a new idea - the fleeting nature of the experience. This is a compelling concept, but it could be developed further. Expanding on this idea could provide a more satisfying conclusion and deepen the overall meaning of the poem.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses vivid imagery to convey intense emotions, it could be improved by maintaining a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, grounding abstract language in concrete details, and further developing the concept introduced in the final line.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
11 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Leslie,
In this line, do you mean (You, instead of your?) my favorite lines are the last two! they make a person sit back and think! good stuff!
*hugs, Cat
kowque
11 months 3 weeks ago
The closing lines
The paradox bit,lost me.
Explain? What was the intent there?
Leslie
11 months 3 weeks ago
Cat
I didn't really understand your comment about the word you if you could explain that would be helpful but thank you for the comment you're very kind.
Leslie
11 months 3 weeks ago
KOWQUE
I can't really explain why I used the word paradox look at the word and see how it fits.
Leslie
11 months 3 weeks ago
kowque
Thank you for commenting I hope that it makes sense to you.
Leslie
11 months 3 weeks ago
Kowque
My intent was to say that love is real, but it dosen't make much sense.