Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 31, 2022
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Gratitude
So here we are,
The night before the awakening.
June, my month of love.
May was beautiful.
Indeed I grew in love and shone like the sun.
Welcome to my Garden of June.
Be patient, all colourful flowers will bloom.
An awakening for both you and l.
You are a light, don't sleep on it.
A little push and we are here.
We can make it together don't be scared.
Thank you May, for blooming too.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years 1 month ago
hello Phaizee,
in this line:
Indeed I grew in love and (shun) like the sun. try the word: (shone)
the poem is beautiful for welcoming in the month of June and hints at things to come!
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years 1 month ago
I agree...
the mood is light and wonderful for welcoming in the summer! However; in light of the fact that the word [light] is bandied about here, I wonder at the usage of the word in the line that says; "You are a light, don't sleep on it" ? Is that an adage or proverb that is common in your part of the world? ~ Geezer.
.
Phaizee
2 years 12 months ago
That line... I just wrote
That line... I just wrote that. I haven't heard anyone around my side use it though. Thank you for the comment.
Geezer
2 years 12 months ago
I would take...
the advice of Cat and transform the word [shun] into "shone". ~ Geezer.
.
Jackweb
2 years 11 months ago
Nice flow !
Beautifully crafted!
.
Phaizee
2 years 12 months ago
Thank you!
Thank you!