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RoseBlack
RoseBlack
Nov 28, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Grey Skies

Grey skies, no sun in sight
Sitting in my favorite chair
Reflecting on the wreckage
That is my life

The realities that shattered
How I thought things would be
Are charging through the window
Splintering right against me

Bleeding the pain
From wounds that never heal
Over and over again
I was everybody's fool

You were supposed to love me
The way I still love you.....

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 7 months ago

Heartbreaker...

this is a heartbreaker! Yeah, it happens, it hurts. The first line of the 2nd stanza seems a little stilted. I would use:
"The realities that shattered how I thought things were to be", or "The realities that shattered how I thought things would be."
This touched a nerve and I remembered; otherwise, a great poem. ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 7 months ago

Thank you

For fixing those lines. I played around with them and just couldn't quite get it right. I was hoping you would take a look. Yes...it hurts...I've been doing a lot of remembering and it still hurts...

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Grey Skies

Hello, RoseBlack,
Painful words so well written. I'm sorry that you know this feeling so well.
Take good care,
L

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 7 months ago

Thank you

Part of the human experience but one I wish I was less familiar.

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 7 months ago

Superb

Really super flowing. It dragged me along with haste to the ending. Excellent meter. Good soft rhyme.

Excellent job on a sad subject
Tim

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 7 months ago

Thank you

I didn't even realize I used meter. It snuck up on me! Thank you for the positive comments on a difficult subject for me.

lovedly

lovedly

2 years 7 months ago

After a very long sojourn now I've learned

After a very long sojourn
now I've learned
all of us face similarities in life
but
I found a solution too....

Never attach oneself
even with a puppy
they change too

Why do what aids heart breaking
be wild as the storms
which come and go
see no one
attach to nothing....

Let life move on
be happy you
are not alone there's company
basically in poemies ....

That's what I believe
rest is your own decision
a poet has one's own rendition
of mental illusion if any
intriguing
tc

Nice poetry
I have read so many
this is my maiden attempt
don't take it as waffle

I sincerely help others
Do you know me
may be

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 7 months ago

dear RoseBlack,

this really resonated with me. I remember being lost in the thick of it... but time passes and so it will for you, too. someday it will be a distant memory and a twinge. I wish you good speed thank you for this poem. it brought me back just long enough to remind me to appreciate the winds of today.

*hugs, Cat