Gunslinger (or: Too Good To Be True) Revised

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses metaphoric language and imagery to convey a narrative of love and trust. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Consistency in Metaphor: The poem begins with the metaphor of a "gunslinger of love" which sets an expectation for a Western-themed narrative. However, this theme isn't carried through the rest of the poem. To strengthen the overall coherence, consider maintaining the Western motif throughout the poem.

2. Rhyme Scheme: The poem seems to follow an ABAB rhyme scheme in the first stanza, but this pattern is not consistently followed in the rest of the poem. This inconsistency can be disorienting for the reader. It would be beneficial to maintain a consistent rhyme scheme throughout the poem.

3. Punctuation: The use of punctuation in this poem is inconsistent. For example, the semicolon in the phrase "to play the card; "Get Out of Jail"" is not typically used in this context. Reviewing the punctuation could improve the clarity of the poem.

4. Clarity: Some phrases, such as "suiting up, that dragon doubt, I slew" are somewhat unclear. It would be beneficial to revise these lines for clarity.

5. Show, Don't Tell: The final stanza tells the reader that the subject of the poem is the "first real thing" in the speaker's life. It would be more powerful to show this through imagery or metaphor, rather than stating it outright.

Overall, the poem has a strong emotional core and effectively uses metaphor and imagery. With some revisions, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hi Cat, a great poem that details the progression of optimism and hope.
I think the final line needs a touch of punctuation? "as long as we are, together we're free!"
But still a great work in progress, made me sit up to read. Ruby :) xx

Hello, Cat,
An intriguing title and a fun read! I'm glad Steven turned out to be the real deal!
Thank you!
L

Congrats! Finding the love of your life and a soulmate mate is never an easy thing. The title draws me in and I am never disappointed.
Raw feelings always win, I believe
Thank you for sharing this one.

In liked the poem, but really think that the title could be more closely related to the overall theme

Just my thoughts.

I can remember a time in my life when I felt that I would never find anyone to share it with, that I would die alone. This poem covers well that transition from hopelessness to hope. Well done.