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Jan 01, 2023
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H#10
Pools of liquid sky
left behind by idle seas,
gather in the kelp.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 5 months ago
I see...
the sky mirrored in the slack water between the kelp decorated swells! Very good Haiku. Peaceful and smooth. ~ Geezer.
.
Loki
2 years 5 months ago
please elaborate defensive
please elaborate defensive posture. Also your interpretation avoids the the tension of personification.
Geezer
2 years 5 months ago
First...
My signature appears the same for all my comments and critique.
It should not be percieved as a comment on your work.
I mean it for those who when criticised about style, form or other things
make the statement of "I write for myself, I'm not really interested
in what other people think". I feel if you just write for yourself
don't bother posting it on a website that advertises itself as a workshop
for the betterment of one's work; keep it in a notebook and whenever you feel like
a poet, read from it.
Second, if your definition of what it means, is to reflect a personified tension, who am I
to say otherwise? I think your question is born of the percieved notion that my signature is
meant for you alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I enjoyed your Haiku.
~ Geezer.
.
Loki
2 years 5 months ago
Yes....thank you for
Yes....thank you for clarification. I understand your veiw.
Loki
2 years 5 months ago
Your version flies but devoid
Your version flies but devoid of personified tension I believe.
Lavender
2 years 5 months ago
H#10
Hello, Loki,
Your haiku poems have all been beautiful, but I especially like the gentle quiet in this piece. I don't believe the comma is necessary, unless you have a specific intent?
Lovely!
L