scribbler

Jun 02, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

HAIKU (Japanese poetry shop)

Seems I heard or read that Haiku are usually untitled........

#1
As sweat drips from brow
even beneath a shade tree
comes dreams of winter

#2
The new mown hay field
wild flowers and grass like thatch
where now butterfly?

#3
Let the storm winds howl
let them toss the fields and trees
tempests seldom last

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Ian.T

13 years 3 months ago

I think this workshop starts on June 12 and the first thing is four Haiku's I think this will give you time to write one and me Four lol Take care see you soon, Yours Ian.T
These three are near perfect in syllables and format...

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Ian

Darn
I saw another shop submission for thia and just assumed it was underway............stan

Barbara Writes

13 years 3 months ago

I see some are jumping at the bits

Im excited too
so I'm gonna open it up now and all can start posting.. I have started my haiku also but will wait to post after I see all the others.

Barbara Writes

13 years 3 months ago

Beautiful Haiku

Your syllable count is tops. And they all resonates with nature nicely. Looking forward to seeing your senyru in the next step.

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Barb

Thank you. It's trying for the minor "twist" in final line which can be tough in such short forms...........stan

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

I am critiquing less to form than poetic content, ok?

#1 love it!

#2 poignant

#3 a bit ho hum, descriptive rather than evocative

great start mate!

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Jess

No problem as this form is simple enough that the only critique possible would be either a miscount or possible difference in pronunciation. Now I need to get off my duff and do one more haiku for this shop and give a Tanka a try.Appreciate the feedback...............stan

Ian.T

13 years 3 months ago

Stan

These are excellent just a wee crib on the last one
"strong winds seldom last could this not be Gales so that you are not repeating winds, I know wind repeats but not in Haiku La La.
Take care too much wind is bad for everyone, Yours Ian.T

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Ian

I'll shake my head and see if a substitute word comes rattling out lol............stan