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Apr 16, 2023
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The heart
Beautiful butterflies,
Then denial was birthed.
Reminiscing occurrences,
Anticipating the next encounter.
Texting rapidly,
Smiling like silly.
A spark ignites,
A determination to make you mine,
Not forgetting the door of disappointment slightly opened.
With a stitch of consolation and a bucket of ice-cream for later.
A phase I hope to escape.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 years 2 months ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Heart" captures the rollercoaster of emotions that come with the pursuit of love. The first two lines effectively set the stage for the rest of the poem, with the image of "beautiful butterflies" representing the excitement and anticipation that often accompany the early stages of a relationship. The third line, "Then denial was birthed," is a bit unclear and could benefit from clarification or expansion.
The middle stanza does a good job of conveying the speaker's eagerness to be with their beloved, with the use of phrases like "reminiscing occurrences" and "anticipating the next encounter." The following stanza, with its focus on texting and smiling, adds a modern touch that many readers will likely relate to.
One of the strongest parts of the poem is the final stanza, which acknowledges the possibility of disappointment while also highlighting the speaker's resilience. The phrase "Not forgetting the door of disappointment slightly opened" is particularly effective, as it suggests that the speaker is aware of the potential for heartbreak but is still willing to take the risk.
One suggested line edit would be to rephrase the third line as something like "Then denial crept in," which would make it clearer that the speaker is referring to the possibility of rejection or disappointment.
Overall, "The Heart" is a well-crafted poem that effectively captures the ups and downs of romantic longing.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 years 2 months ago
My favorite lines:
"With a stitch of consolation and a bucket of ice cream for later."
"A phase I hope to escape"
I'm looking at the possibility that you will be disappointed if you are not disappointed.
~ Geezer.
.
Lavender
2 years 2 months ago
The Heart
Hello!
A unique, brief poem that hits its mark! You've captured the essence of the hope of new love. I agree with Geezer - great final two lines. Don't buy that ice cream just yet!
Thank you,
Lavender