Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jul 09, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Heart of Mine
Upon my poet’s page I’d wrote
of unrequited love: I quote:
“I cherish you, my maiden sweet.
Without you I am incomplete.”
A lifetime later on, through tears,
I read, what’s faded with the years.
Yet still, in poet’s paltry line,
lives love, which broke this heart of mine.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: a few lines of a love poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures the enduring pain of unrequited love through a reflective lens, using a poetic device of quoting an earlier verse to emphasize the passage of time and the persistence of emotion. The structure is clear and consistent, with a rhyme scheme that supports the nostalgic tone.
To enhance the poem's impact, consider the following:
1. **Imagery and Specificity:** The poem relies heavily on abstract expressions of love and loss. Introducing more concrete imagery could deepen the emotional resonance. For example, what specific memories or moments symbolize the "heartbreak"? This would allow readers to connect more viscerally.
2. **Language and Word Choice:** Phrases like "poet’s paltry line" are evocative but may feel slightly self-deprecating or distancing. Reflect on whether this phrase aligns with the intended tone. If the goal is to emphasize the insufficiency of words to capture love, it works; if not, consider alternatives.
3. **Emotional Arc:** The poem moves from youthful expression to mature reflection, but the emotional transition could be more pronounced. Adding a line or two that contrasts the initial hopeful tone with the current sorrow might heighten the poignancy.
4. **Meter and Rhythm:** The poem has a generally consistent rhythm, but some lines feel slightly uneven. Reading the poem aloud and adjusting syllable counts or stresses could improve flow.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys the lasting impact of unrequited love, and with some refinement in imagery and emotional development, it could achieve greater depth and immediacy.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
2 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Blue Eyes,
I hope that you will ignore the Idiot Artificial Intelligence's advise! Your poem is quite melodious and fluid as it reads so smoothly. I think it is very charming!
*hugs, Cat
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 months 3 weeks ago
heart of mine
Many thanks, C., for your encouragement and support.
Geezer
2 months 3 weeks ago
Smooth as a...
well, you know. I thought rather than try to dress it up and make it an ode or something, you did the right thing. You kept it clear and concise, without being stark. I like it too! ~ Geez.
.
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 months 3 weeks ago
heart of mine
Thank you, Geezer.