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May 02, 2025
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Heartfelt cry
A face of worry, and of fear,
Eyes that weep blood stained tears.
Each line a tale of sorrows told,
The truth behind each lie that's sold.
A heart that feels every suffering call,
And I wish, I could stop their fall.
But a determined mind is all I've got,
To call out this evil, in their wicked plot.
My soul reaches out, demanding peace,
An end to suffering, for wars to cease.
Yet my silent refusal, seems not enough,
To rise above corruption's stuff.
And bodily pained, like the weeping eye,
I hope they hear my rallying cry.
To save our world that's morally ailing,
To lift it up, so it's no longer failing.
For our world is sick, and needs mending,
From the liars, nations are defending.
To lift the narrative, up off the ground,
So love , not hate, gets spread around.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem addresses significant themes of suffering, moral responsibility, and societal corruption. To strengthen the piece, consider the following points:
1. **Imagery and Metaphor:**
The poem opens with strong imagery ("Eyes that weep blood stained tears"), but this vividness diminishes as the poem progresses. Consider maintaining consistent intensity and originality of imagery throughout the poem to sustain reader engagement.
2. **Clarity and Specificity:**
The poem speaks broadly about corruption, lies, and moral decay. However, the generalized language ("evil," "wicked plot," "liars") can feel abstract and vague. Consider grounding the poem in more concrete examples or specific imagery to clarify the nature of the corruption and suffering being referenced.
3. **Consistency in Tone and Voice:**
The poem shifts between personal emotion ("I wish, I could stop their fall") and broader societal commentary ("To save our world that's morally ailing"). Clarifying the relationship between the personal voice and the broader societal critique would help unify the poem's tone and strengthen its emotional impact.
4. **Rhythm and Flow:**
The rhyme scheme is consistent, but at times feels forced or predictable ("enough/stuff," "ailing/failing"). Experimenting with varied rhyme patterns, or even breaking away from strict rhyme at key emotional moments, could enhance the poem’s rhythm and natural flow.
5. **Language Precision:**
Certain phrases ("corruption's stuff," "morally ailing") could benefit from more precise language choices. Consider revising these phrases to more clearly and powerfully convey the intended meaning.
By addressing these points, the poem could achieve greater emotional resonance and thematic clarity, allowing readers to more deeply connect with its message.
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