Her

i wish i hadn’t
pointed a wavering eye
in Her direction
but i did

and i wish i hadn’t
felt complied
to trade thoughts
but i did

and i wish i hadn’t
fallen into the
maddening embrace
of twirling
tumbling confusion
of late nights
and half empty
bottles of chardonnay
but i did

and now
it’s just

you, me
and the moon

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Plath (I know, slightly concerning), E. E. Cummings, Tagore, Eliot

Comments

weirdelf

10 years 4 months ago

this is my favourite of your works so far, riot

is there another name I can call you, to be more friendly?
It bespeaks the riot that is lust and attraction eloquently.
I wonder if in the line-
felt complied
perhaps
felt compelled
might work better?
Just a suggestion.
The ending is excellent, neither maudlin nor self-pitying but sad and reflective.
I like it.

riotface97

10 years 4 months ago

Thanks

Yeah I think felt compelled will work better, it's a little smoother on the tongue. My real name is Nick so you can call me that. Thanks for the feedback, this is just one poem from a bigger suite I'm writing so any comments are always appreciated.

Sparrow

10 years 4 months ago

Nick

Welcome back and such a good piece to return with.
I remember you were writing a lot of stuff those times back.
It will be good to see what progress you have made with your writing.
This was good for a welcome back, did you stream this one before, it sounds familiar.
Yours Ian. T (Yenti) now Sparrow lol