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May 07, 2021
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HER MAJESTY
HER MAJESTY
I ventured out beneath the pale
Oceanic sky in the summery heat;
My thoughts were of my lover, soft, discreet,
When I found her dreaming on a rosy dale.
Her eyes were dark and of ancient folk lore;
They shimmered like diamonds in the gilded lights,
And beamed like streams from angelic nights,
From that lovely Carolingian gaze she bore.
JOHN LARS ZWERENZ
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
2 years 10 months ago
hello
Sounds like a rhyme of the olden poets.I have 2 suggestion : line 3 , omit were. Line 5 try "her eyes were the dark of ancient folk lore." Just a couple of ideas you might consider