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Aug 05, 2021
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Hero Status... Random Challenge #6
I've always thought that I
would be a hero, in a time of need
I really think I would, if I could
I hope that I would act with speed
To fail when someone needs me most
to say "I'm here to rescue you"
Would it be an empty boast?
I really don't know, what I would do
I am not a youth anymore
my body's not in best of shape
So, I don't know on that score
could I help them to escape?
Could I do some CPR?
help them down a fiery stair?
Remove them from a totaled car?
To fail would be "My worst nightmare"
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Thank you everyone for all your help!
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Triskelion
3 years 11 months ago
I see
that failure is not a consideration for you. Keep it that way. The world needs more people like you. As usual, your arrangement of thought is clear and your technical grasp is unwavering.
The title is intriguing and suits the poem body, rhythm is good, I would change the first line by moving "would" down to the beginning of the second line. It makes the intro more interesting and fixes a meter issue in the second line. Try it. The last line is fine.
Thomas
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
Thank you for...
the suggestion of moving the [would] down to the second line. You are right, it does read better. ~ Geez.
.
Triskelion
3 years 11 months ago
And now..
You need to repair the rhyme pattern in L3...come on, try. You can do it!
Thomas
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
Well...
my worst nightmare is, what if I'm not capable? I don't have many doubts about if I should or would, it's more of a "Could I?"
thing. ~ Geez.
.
Triskelion
3 years 11 months ago
Being a hero
Comes in a lot more ways than physical form, but our bodies can do some amazing things we don't realize. I sort of hope if I failed at saving someone, I would be acknowledged for at least trying..not sure what I would do in the burning building scenario, but I know I would do exactly what I decide to do at the time. Pretty sure you would too.
Thomas
scribbler
3 years 11 months ago
I doubt
anybody really knows how they would react in such situation. Now a few ideas:
I've always thought that I
would be a hero, in a time of need
I really would think if I could
I've hoped I would act with speed
To fail when someone needs me most
to say "I'm here, I'll rescue you"
Would it be an empty boast?
I really don't know, what I'd do
I am not of youth anymore
my body's not in best of shape
So, I don't know on that score
could I help them to escape?
Could I do some CPR?
help them down a fiery stair?
Remove them from a totaled car?
To fail would be "My worst nightmare"