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HISTORY (September Contest)
How will we be judged
by distant descendants
far in the future?
Perhaps they'll think us unevolved
still fighting wars over religion
although violence leaves questions unsolved
or worst lead us to being cursed
to kill again....and again.
Or perhaps their thoughts of us
will be...kind
(if they think of us at all).
Perhaps they'll overlook the bad
and realize we did the best we could.
Worst? Best?Is our time here simply a test?
Will our grade be pass/fail
or will they grade us at all
as they wonder a dystopian wasteland
we bestowed on them?
Or will we be seen
in retrospect
as pioneers
In space, in time, in philosophy
who showed them all is possible
in a paradise on earth
and other places, other spaces.
As imperfect as we are
I worry.
Will they understand us?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I can't believe I have the balls to submit this in a Free verse contest lol
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 9 months ago
I like...
your free-form poem, but I don't see a poetic device in use here. Maybe look at the link given to see how you can incorporate one? ~ Geez.
.
scribbler
3 years 9 months ago
Hmmm.....
So the examples of alliteration and internal rhyme didn't come across?
Obadiah Grey
3 years 9 months ago
Thought they came across just
Thought they came across just fine, perhaps sparse, perhaps a tad remote, but all the better for that.
All in all,,,,, I liked it, cheers.
Obi.
scribbler
3 years 9 months ago
Hi Obi
Perhaps I need to edit to clarify the devices
Geezer
3 years 9 months ago
Sorry...
I guess my focus was too narrow. LoL I get it now, but still as Obi says; a little vague. ~ Geez.
.
scribbler
3 years 9 months ago
Imagine
The sledge hammer being vague lol
Geezer
3 years 9 months ago
I can't believe...
how badly I missed on this one. Must be having flashbacks or something! A thousand apologies. I'll take my beating with a vague sledge-hammer and hope that I am forgiven for my inexcusable crap..~ Geez.
.
scribbler
3 years 9 months ago
Your opinion
means a lot to me. And I already see some places I can improve this. No need apologize
lovedly
3 years 9 months ago
You Stan have entered my domain
Since it's FREE STYLE
YOUR Title should
not ought to be
HISTORY REPEATS Itself
now rescribble it
scribbler
3 years 9 months ago
Hi lovedJust a reminder. Look through just the titles of my
chicken scratchings and you will see my affinity for single word titles. but your suggested title is a good one and should I decide to change titles it will be kept in memory.
Seren
3 years 9 months ago
Oh my... Bro!!!
This is my kind of poetry and you know it. I adored it. I didn't read anyone above me so as not to be swayed. I hadn't read the parameters for the contest yet but I will in the morning it's 4.44am I always write at this time of day as you know.
I think it's a brilliant poem.
Much love and hugs Sis x
scribbler
3 years 9 months ago
hi Jayne
Sometimes i attempt free verse just to see if I can lol. Thanks for your kind words and stay safe down yonder