Geezer

Apr 30, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 04/27/25 to 05/03/25

(Read More...)

Hold Me...

I held your familiar hands,
your rings were loose,
you've lost weight.
I heard your voice,
and felt relief,
it's still you.

I was afraid, I don't know why,
that this long, lonely week,
might somehow rip you out of my life,
it made me feel the fear,
the pressure of alone.

To think that it could happen...

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

1 month 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Consider clarifying the emotional stakes in the poem by providing more concrete imagery or context. The line "your rings were loose" is intriguing and symbolic; you might expand on this image to deepen its significance. The phrase "the pressure of alone" is somewhat abstract—consider grounding this feeling with more specific sensory details or experiences. Additionally, the final line "To think that it could happen..." feels incomplete; you might explore ways to either expand upon or sharpen this ending to enhance its emotional resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

1 month 3 weeks ago

Hold Me...

Hello, Geezer,
I hope all is well. This leaves me very aware of my loved ones surrounding me.
Thank you,
L

Geezer

1 month 3 weeks ago

My wife...

fell two weeks ago and fractured some ribs and punctured a lung. I don't drive anymore [no car], so I can't just go see her whenever I want. She was in the hospital for a week; now she is closer, in a rehab where my sister used to work, and sis took me to see her. We have been together since 1980 and never have been away from each other more than a day or two, except for when I was in the hospital. She is the strong one, hardly ever sick, but she does have heart problems, and we don't know why she fell. This scared me, because it was an accident, and we know that sometimes, accidents take people away. Thank you for your concern, ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

1 month 3 weeks ago

So sorry...

to hear this. Warmest regards and prayers to you both!
Lx

Rula

1 month 3 weeks ago

Sir

Hope all goes well. Things like this happen often. We have been there a couple of times. My partner was always the strong one. Even if he is collapsed inside, he wont let you know.
Thank you for sharing. I know you will go over it.
Take care.

mark

1 month 3 weeks ago

Sad

But very well done.
We go through it with you friend,
Mark

Ruby Lord

1 month 3 weeks ago

Hi Geezer, just wanted to say

Hi Geezer, just wanted to say, your poem, stripped bare, the courage, no ornaments but emotional facts, that takes bravery. Great poem, I hope your wife improves and comes home to you soon. Take care both of you, Ruby xx

Geezer

1 month 3 weeks ago

She keeps me brave...

I feel like I have to let the world know how I feel, or maybe it will take away my treasure, and there is no one or anything that I will let do that. Thank you for your generous comments and well wishes. ~ Geez.
.