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The Hollow that Filled Up the Winter Air
A need spawned a late night journey
that I cared not, really to make;
night's shadows were lined up, silently
lying in wait for evening's chill, to take.
Crooked fingers reaching for the sky
trees silhouetted against the night,
though late, I still needed to visit the mart
so off I walked, with the moon shining bright.
The air out, was really "hollow", and "cold"
much cooler than earlier, that day;
I had to hurry before the night grew too old
and other creatures could arrive out, to play.
I'm not superstitious, or afraid of the dark
I trust my senses, utterly, and exclusively;
but, something happened that was quite, eerily "stark"
on that night, in the dark, at around three.
I sensed a lone presence, just out of range
of something my eye couldn't "spy";
I never did see it, but it was sooo strange
there was anguish in it's horrible, cry!
Then, this thing started running ever so swift
and the direction it headed....was mine!
A vehicle passed, so I flagged for a "lift"
but, I wasn't treated nearly, so kind!
I arrived at the market, and squeezed through the door
this market was open all night,
there wasn't a soul in the entire store
but, it sure felt good to be bathed in the "light"!
I paid for my purchases, and I turned to the night
but comfortable, I just could not feel;
my senses were telling me, all was not right
and then, danger....suddenly felt, "real"!
One may just consider that, it was quite late
and I might've been tired from my day;
but I like to think that, I just cheated "fate"!
by hurrying, and getting out of it's way!
Several weeks later we had a full moon
and was reminded what could've been my plight,
it cried out again, and it was way too soon
to be reminded of my "close call", that night.
I count all my blessings, fate's smiled on me
I squeaked by, by the hairs on my head;
where I almost got eaten, I lived to go free
I could've been hurt.......or worse; "dead"!
What troubles me more than, what gave me "chase"
is what "vacuumed", and "hollowed" the air?
I go out, sometimes.......just to save "face"
but, you try going out late..........if you dare!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
13 years 10 months ago
hi Doc
I think what was pursuing you was Oct. 31 lol. An enjoyable tale of "the behindyas"................stan
docmaverick
13 years 10 months ago
Thanx, Stan....
...I just didn't know what it was called. "The behindyas".......I rather like that.
doc.
Ian.T
12 years 9 months ago
Doc
You wait till Geezer sees this one LOL he will probably tell you that a certain person was just passing through.
Your Title of:- "The Hollow that Filled Up the Winter Air" it sounds wrong can I suggest taking the "Up" out and putting an " 's" on the end of Winter ??
This ran smoothly and was fun to read, Yours Ian.T
judyanne
12 years 9 months ago
a fun write doc
a fun write doc
enjoyable rhythm and rhyme
one tiny thin (imo)
with
‘lying in wait for evening's chill, to take’
- reverse syntax, sounds awkward
can I suggest?
‘to take evening's chill, lying in wait’
also
by hurrying, and getting out of it's way!’ - its – no apostrophe
I really like the use of internal rhyme throughout
- especially the repeat and the rhyme in
‘I'm not superstitious, or afraid of the dark
I trust my senses, utterly, and exclusively;
but, something happened that was quite, eerily "stark"
on that night, in the dark, at around three’
love judy
xxx