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Mar 05, 2012
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The Homeless Warrior
An old soldier
who has seen
the field of battle
Now fighting the war
to stay alive
on the streets
His rifle replaced
with a sign proclaiming
his service
in the First Gulf War
a cup by his feet
People walking by
probably pitying
the poor soul
Only a sweatshirt
and the pair of pants on his ass
to fend off the elements
A tattoo on his neck
marking him as
a piece of property
by his unit
Making you wonder
if the government
he fought for
has failed him
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
wesley snow
13 years 4 months ago
Benjamin...
... you've been here a year, but this is your only post? Have I missed something?
Anyway, although it's free verse (which I don't get along with), the poem has some real powerful moments. If it were mine I might try to even up the meter, but otherwise the whole thing is sharp. Hope to see more from you soon.
wesley
Benjamin1987
13 years 4 months ago
Hey Wesley
Actually I did have some other pieces on here before, but the server crashed and I lost what I put up on here.
Candlewitch
13 years 4 months ago
Hello,
A powerful write. My I recommend You read the poems of another nenber called: Lonnie? He is a vet too and has written some great poems on the subject of being a vet. I will also recommend your work to him.
Keep on writing!
always, Cat
Benjamin1987
13 years 4 months ago
Yes Cat
Cat I would like it if you would. I would really like to see some of Lonnie's poetry. How would I go about finding him?
Eduardo Cruz
13 years 4 months ago
BEN
i like this being I am ex-army. My opinion is that this can be something really good if it was done in a western classic form. I have idea's which I will post here soon. they are just my idea's this is your poem. I would just change a word here and there.
Nice to meet you after a year, it's very interesting to me. your like a phatom never seen. lol
Eddie
...
Benjamin1987
13 years 4 months ago
Eddie
Its very nice to meet you. I would like to hear your ideas. I am very open to criticism.
Ben
Candlewitch
13 years 4 months ago
Dear Ben,
I see that Lonnie has come to you. He is a great guy and wonderful poet. To get to his works, just click on his name. I'm so glad I was the one to introduce you two!
always, Cat
China Blue
13 years 4 months ago
Ben
Powerful words. So sad that you guys are treated like dirt, perhaps less than an illegal alien
Chrys
Nordic cloud
13 years 4 months ago
Well put
I agree with the above, a poignant sight and one we feel helpless to mend.
Nordic cloud.