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May 23, 2025
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Hope out of fear
Mankind with progress vision,
Saw a pretty penny or a grand.
Yet many monsters of destruction,
And pollutants spoilt our land.
A sale without conditions,
Or a box without a key.
Brought a heart that's ever hardened,
By a veil we cannot see.
But there are grains of sand across the ocean,
And multitudes of stones from far away,
In courageous restoration,
When safe from those who slay.
See the leaf that falls like it's a whisper,
Or the majesty of mighty oak.
Be sure that sunnier days will follow,
Our destruction by fire and smoke.
Clear the dust from fearful vision,
Tilt your head up to the sky.
Paint a smile on perfect features,
To leave dark clouds left to cry.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem attempts to address meaningful themes, such as environmental destruction, human greed, and the possibility of renewal. However, there are several areas that could benefit from revision.
First, the poem's central imagery and metaphors could be more consistently developed. For instance, the references to "grains of sand" and "multitudes of stones" in stanza three are intriguing but remain somewhat vague. Clarifying how these images specifically relate to the central theme of restoration could strengthen the poem's coherence and impact.
Second, the poem's rhythm and meter vary significantly between stanzas, which can disrupt the reader's engagement. For example, the lines "But there are grains of sand across the ocean, / And multitudes of stones from far away," are longer and rhythmically different from earlier stanzas. Consider revising for greater consistency in rhythm or intentionally structuring variations to enhance meaning.
Third, some phrases feel overly general or abstract, such as "a veil we cannot see" or "paint a smile on perfect features." Providing more concrete imagery or specific examples could help ground the poem's message and make it more vivid for readers.
Lastly, the poem's conclusion ("Paint a smile on perfect features, / To leave dark clouds left to cry.") feels somewhat simplistic compared to the complexity of the issues raised earlier. Consider developing a more nuanced or thought-provoking closing that aligns better with the poem's overall tone and themes.
In summary, focusing on clearer imagery, consistent rhythm, concrete details, and a more nuanced conclusion could significantly enhance the poem's effectiveness.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
1 month ago
Hope Out of Fear
Hello, Tigger,
A clear picture of destruction to mankind and the earth by those who care more for power and wealth than the future. Very inspiring.
Thank you!
L
Wallyroo92
3 weeks 4 days ago
Hope out of fear
Excellent rhythm, rhyme and flow.
It's an overall piece that conveys a relevant message.
Wonderful work.