Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 07, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Hope is Spring Eternal...
Soft dawns here, up on the hill,
overlook the valley low.
The river's blue and cold just yet,
down where the damp winds blow.
No sign of buds on majestic trees,
more rain, the squirrels still huddle.
I search the sky for a little sun,
watch out for that freezing puddle.
I wonder if Mother Nature knows,
all this snow and ice is here,
she might be a bit distracted,
because that young man, Spring is near.
Sun and wind, fresh air to breathe,
smell the growing things.
The sound of insects flying
on lace and see-through wings.
Good seed to plant on fallow ground,
a garden ready to bloom.
Pull back the shades and curtains,
leave that dim and darkened room.
I breathe deep, the clean, fresh air
and let my mind go free.
I'll look at the sky, watch the clouds,
and let Springtime come to me.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively employs imagery related to nature and seasonal change, creating a clear sense of anticipation and renewal. However, there are several areas that could benefit from revision to enhance clarity and cohesion.
First, the tone and style occasionally shift abruptly. For example, the phrase "that young dude, Spring" introduces a casual, colloquial tone that contrasts sharply with the more formal and lyrical language used elsewhere ("majestic trees," "lace and see-through wings"). Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout to strengthen the poem's overall unity and emotional impact.
Second, the poem's structure and rhythm vary noticeably between stanzas. While some variation can add interest, a more consistent meter or rhythmic pattern could improve readability and enhance the poem's musicality. For instance, the stanza beginning "Sun and wind, fresh air to breathe," feels slightly disconnected from the preceding stanza. Revising transitions or adjusting phrasing could help maintain a smoother flow.
Third, the poem occasionally relies on familiar or predictable imagery ("soft dawns," "green of buds," "clean, fresh air"). To deepen the reader's engagement, consider introducing more distinctive or unexpected imagery, or exploring these familiar images from a fresh perspective.
Finally, the concluding line, "and let Springtime come to me," shifts abruptly to a personal focus ("me") after previously addressing the reader ("Let your mind go free"). Clarifying the intended audience or consistently maintaining either a personal or universal perspective could strengthen the poem's coherence and resonance.
Overall, careful attention to tone consistency, rhythmic structure, imagery originality, and perspective clarity would significantly enhance the poem's effectiveness.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
1 month 2 weeks ago
Sir Gee
I think this is so poetic! Fresh and full of hope.Thw use of Spring as a connotation to hope and new fresh life is very expressive.
My favorite if I have to choose:
Good seed to plant on fallow ground,
a garden ready to bloom.
Pull back the shades and curtains,
leave that dim and darkened room.
I breathe deep, the clean, fresh air
and let my mind go free.
I'll look at the sky, watch the clouds,
and let Springtime come to me.
Thank you for sharing this beauty!
Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
Thank you Rula...
All it takes, is one or two days of sun, and I'm all optimistic again! The main part of this was written a week or so ago, then the rain came back, and I didn't finish it. I took heart from the national weatherpersons, as they have announced the appearance of some sunny days next week; enough reason to celebrate with this poem. ~ Geez.
.
Lavender
1 month 2 weeks ago
Hope is Spring Eternal
Hello, Geezer,
What a comforting, soothing poem. It gives me energy just by reading it. Wonderful, carefree final line!
Thank you!
L
Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
Well, it is...
all I can do these days, to let Springtime come to me. I can't go roaming the fields anymore, looking for signs of Spring.
When I was young, I would go out with a dog, friends and both; we would find little nests of mice, and new sprouts of green everywhere. Now, I just have to let it come to my backyard and try to get in the back door whenever it's opened. I think that I will see a lot more evidence of it next week. Thank you for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
.